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Band 5.5

An increasing number of teenagers are becoming addicted to smartphones. What are the consequences of this, and what measures can parents and schools take?

In recent years, there has been a noticeable rise in
smartphone
Use synonyms
 dependency among
teenagers
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 growing addiction can lead to serious consequences, particularly academic failure.
However
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
 can address
this
Linking Words
 issue by setting clear screen-
time
Use synonyms
 limits and promoting responsible technology
use
Use synonyms
. One significant consequence of
smartphone
Use synonyms
 addiction is its negative impact on academic performance. When
teenagers
Use synonyms
 spend excessive
time
Use synonyms
 on social media, games, or videos, they often lose focus on their studies and develop a reduced attention span. From my own experience as a student, I found myself checking my phone repeatedly
while
Linking Words
 doing homework, which caused simple tasks to take much longer to complete.
As a result
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, I sometimes submitted assignments late and performed poorly on tests because I had not revised properly.
This
Linking Words
 illustrates how constant
smartphone
Use synonyms
 distractions can reduce concentration, lower productivity, and lead to weaker academic outcomes. To address
this
Linking Words
 problem,
parents
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
 should work together to establish clear screen-
time
Use synonyms
 limits.
For example
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 can set rules
such
Linking Words
 as prohibiting phone
use
Use synonyms
 during homework
time
Use synonyms
 or after a certain hour at night, helping
teenagers
Use synonyms
 build better study habits.
Schools
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 support
this
Linking Words
 effort by restricting phone
use
Use synonyms
 during lessons and educating students about the risks of excessive screen
time
Use synonyms
. Removing smartphones from the study environment can significantly enhance concentration and task efficiency.
Therefore
Linking Words
, clear boundaries can encourage
teenagers
Use synonyms
 to
use
Use synonyms
 technology responsibly and prioritise their education. In conclusion,
smartphone
Use synonyms
 addiction among
teenagers
Use synonyms
 can contribute to academic failure by reducing concentration and study
time
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, with firm screen-
time
Use synonyms
 rules from
parents
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
, students can develop healthier habits and improve their academic performance.

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development
Add more ideas about other effects of phone use, like sleep, mood, and talk with friends in real life. This will give a fuller view of the issue.
structure
Make a stronger first sentence for each paragraph and a clear closing sentence in each part to show your view.
evidence
Give more proof besides your own trial, such as facts or simple data, to back up the claim.
cohesion
Use more link words like also, but, so, because to help the flow from one idea to another.
lexical
Keep to simple words but use a wider mix of sentence types to show range while still being clear.
content
Clear plan showing harm to study and the steps parents and schools can take.
structure
Good use of sign post words such as 'To address this problem' and 'In conclusion'.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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