IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar charts show the various activities in the evening and how they often do between 1980 and 2010

The bar chart compares and contrasts
tourists
Use synonyms
 in terms of their
time
Use synonyms
 spent on diverse activities in the years 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that there were significant differences in the proportion of
time
Use synonyms
 spent
between
Change preposition
by
show examples
 visitors.
In particular
Linking Words
, the largest amount of
time
Use synonyms
 was spent on reading books by
Chinese
Use synonyms
 and American
tourists
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the least amount was spent on visiting places by all
tourists
Use synonyms
. Turning to
Chinese
Use synonyms
tourists
Use synonyms
 on reading topped the list in
this
Linking Words
 category, making up 8
hours
Use synonyms
 , but the rest of the countries exhibited almost similar results at approximately 4
hours
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, as for visiting places, they were the least popular category to spend
time
Use synonyms
 by all
tourists
Use synonyms
. Americans and Turks were the only
tourists
Use synonyms
, where
time
Use synonyms
 spent on
this
Linking Words
 field was slightly higher, constituting 3
hours
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in turn,
Chinese
Use synonyms
 and Brazilian
tourists
Use synonyms
 made up less than 2
hours
Use synonyms
. At the beach,
Chinese
Use synonyms
tourists
Use synonyms
 spent less amount of
time
Use synonyms
, making up 3
hours
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 American, Turkish and Brazilian
tourists
Use synonyms
 spent more
time
Use synonyms
 at 4
hours
Use synonyms
, 5
hours
Use synonyms
 and 6
hours
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words tourists, time, chinese, hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: