IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is commonly believed that main factors that affect a child’s development are media, pop culture and friends. Others argue that family play the most important role. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

It is widely debated whether some people argue that family plays a vital role in
Use synonyms
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 upbringing,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that peers, mass media and culture impact the growth of
children
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay
examine
Correct subject-verb agreement
examines
show examples
 both perspectives before presenting my own view.
Use synonyms
One
Use the right word
On
show examples
 the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, those who believe that pop culture and
freinsdhip
Correct your spelling
freedom
 affect
shape
Correct article usage
the shape
show examples
 of
folks's
Check wording
folks'
show examples
 future
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have valid reasons,
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 pupils spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
almost time with them. To
clerify
Correct your spelling
clarify
, these days younger
easily
Check wording
generation easily
show examples
 adapts
Change preposition
to others
show examples
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
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 cultures, and
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
 their
life style
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
owing
Punctuation problem
. Owing
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 to
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this
Punctuation problem
this,
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 they
modifiy
Correct your spelling
modify
 themselves
according to
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 the trends
as well as
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 their
peers
Check wording
peers'
show examples
 behaviours.
For Instance
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,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 mostly seems that the younger generations have
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 impact
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
freinds
Correct your spelling
friends
 and their
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
 and behaviour totally upon their
freind
Correct your spelling
friend
 circle.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
,
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
also
Linking Words
 plays
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
 part in their lives as what they see and listen that
also
Linking Words
hits on
Verb problem
impacts
show examples
 their mind, which impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 life, their temper and
relations
Check wording
their relationships
show examples
.
Use synonyms
One
Use the right word
On
show examples
 the other hand, masses
those
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 perceive that family is responsible
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 better or bad growth of the
children
Use synonyms
 is
undenyable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
.
To begin
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 with,
Use synonyms
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 growth, intellectual ability their way of talking all
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
 on parents
Punctuation problem
, just
show examples
just not
Correct word order
not just
show examples
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of their parents
because
Punctuation problem
, because
show examples
 they are the first
tutor
Fix the agreement mistake
tutors
show examples
 of their
love
Replace the word
loved
show examples
Use synonyms
one's
Check wording
ones
show examples
. To explain it more, the surroundings
matters
Correct subject-verb agreement
matter
show examples
 for every growing
child
Use synonyms
,
although
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 they are growing
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
the
Use the right word
they
show examples
 learn easily and adapt
what
Change preposition
to what
show examples
the
Use the right word
they
show examples
 feel and see.
Hence
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, their
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 presence
either
Punctuation problem
, either
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
love or fights all easily
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
Use synonyms
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
brian
Use the right word
brain
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 place of their birth is family
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
consist
Correct subject-verb agreement
consists
show examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
a lot of emotions and behaviours and
tatrums
Correct your spelling
tantrums
, so
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 natural that all kinds of emotions
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
dominate
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 lives. To recapitulate,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 my opinion media and peers
puts
Verb problem
make
show examples
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 impression
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 growing
one
Use synonyms
's
due to
Linking Words
 their company time
spending
Check wording
apply
show examples
, and other more things which are reasonable
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 I consider that family
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
a
Verb problem
plays a
show examples
big role in
upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
 and their nature
also
Linking Words
their
Verb problem
influences their
show examples
 bad or
good
Correct word choice
bad
show examples
 behaviours.

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structure
Plan before you write. Say your view at the start, then give ideas and finish with a short end.
structure
Make a clear point in each paragraph. Start with a sentence that shows the main idea.
grammar
Fix many spelling and form errors. Use short, plain sentences.
coherence
Use easy linking words like and, but, also, for example to join ideas.
content
Share a small example that shows your point.
content
You try to cover both sides and give your view.
content
You show some good ideas on how family and media can shape a child.
structure
You use some linking words to join ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • media
  • pop culture
  • friends
  • family
  • home
  • values
  • attitudes
  • behaviour
  • development
  • influence
  • main factors
  • exposure
  • ads
  • films
  • games
  • online content
  • beauty standards
  • peer pressure
  • routine
  • discipline
  • love
  • support
  • guidance
  • talk
  • listen
  • think well
  • balance
  • choice
  • decision
  • learning
  • environment
  • example
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