IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this a positive or a negative development?

In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary epoch,
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
 are excessively
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
using a cellphone and they are
are
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
spending their
major
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 with
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of doing any other activities. There are numerous reasons why
children
Use synonyms
 are fond of using their
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, which
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
 the current social
media
Use synonyms
 trends and
accessible
Replace the word
the ability
show examples
 to play
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 notion has more negatives
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 teenagers.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
, and will describe
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
how negatively
this
Linking Words
effects
Use the right word
affects
show examples
on child
Check wording
children
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
utilization
Change the spelling
utilisation
show examples
 of social
media
Use synonyms
 among
children
Use synonyms
 has
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased
from
Change preposition
over
show examples
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 five years. To expand on
this
Linking Words
, juveniles in
thesedays
Correct your spelling
days
 are
higherly
Correct your spelling
highly
 engaged
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
posting their pictures on social
media
Use synonyms
, and scrolling the social
media
Use synonyms
 applications, which becomes common among them.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 gives them
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of satisfaction when someone likes their picture or
comment
Correct subject-verb agreement
comments
show examples
 on their post.
Moreover
Linking Words
, parents buy
cell
Use synonyms
 phones for their
children
Use synonyms
 for emergency use;
however
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 use these gadgets to play online
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 with their friends. The more teenagers spend
time
Use synonyms
 playing online
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, the less
time
Use synonyms
 they spend on outdoor
games
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, they are facing
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
problems
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young age. On the flip side, if
this
Linking Words
 trend
countinues
Correct your spelling
continues
, it
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 several
disadvatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 for
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 upbringing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 one of them is that it leads
eye
Change preposition
to eye
show examples
 sight
problems
Use synonyms
 and feelings of social isolation, and the second negative effect is health
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early age. To describe
this
Linking Words
, since
child
Wrong verb form
children are
show examples
 immensely engaged with using mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, they spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on screen
Punctuation problem
, specially
show examples
specially
Use the right word
especially
show examples
 using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
 in
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 trend.
For Instance
Linking Words
,
accordingly
Linking Words
recent
Change preposition
to recent
show examples
 research a
teenage
Use the right word
teenagers
show examples
 spend more than 6 hours per day
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
scrolling the social applications, which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 them
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
feelings of social isolation from the world.
Likewise
Linking Words
, playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 on
cell
Use synonyms
 phones and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of participation
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 outdoor activities can lead to obesity
problems
Use synonyms
 among
children
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 sedentary lifestyle may increase future cardiovascular
problems
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 lack of movement and poor eating habits lead to weight gain.
As a result
Linking Words
, it requires
to perform
Wrong verb form
performing
show examples
 outdoor activities and
avoid
Wrong verb form
avoiding
show examples
 using of
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
 as much as possible for
children
Use synonyms
 on day to day life. To
recapiculate
Correct your spelling
recap
, I believe that using
cell
Use synonyms
 phones for
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 has numerous negative effects
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them;
however
Linking Words
, I shared
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
what
are
Correct word order
apply
show examples
the
resons
Correct your spelling
reasons
behind
Correct word order
are behind
show examples
this
Linking Words
 case
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 includes social
media
Use synonyms
 and mobile
phone
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that the right use of
Use synonyms
cell
Correct article usage
a cell
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 can
gives
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
 numerous
benefits
Punctuation problem
benefits,
show examples
 as
this
Linking Words
 can assist them
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their education and learn new skills from online
content
Punctuation problem
content,
show examples
although
Linking Words
 specific
time
Use synonyms
 periods require of
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
.

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planning
Plan first. Write four parts: intro, two or three body parts, and a short end.
organization
Make one clear idea in each paragraph. Start with a topic sentence.
grammar
Use simple, correct grammar. Check spell and word use.
examples
Give one or two real examples that fit your point and explain how they support it.
cohesion
Use simple linking words to show how ideas are linked.
content
The writer shows a view that the topic may be bad.
coherence
The topic of the essay is clear, and some linking words are used.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: