IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the
last
Linking Words
 decade ,the
average
Check wording
prevalence
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 of obesity in youngsters in
western
Fix capitalization
Western
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 countries has increased dramatically .
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon includes bad effects on society as a whole.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain the causes and drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 trend. At first ,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 routines
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been changed over
past
Correct article usage
the past
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 decades. In the past , children played local games
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
for
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 they played football
at
Change preposition
on
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 the streets with their friends
,
Punctuation problem
. Therefore
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, they had a fit body
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they
burnt
Verb problem
burned
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 calories .
Also
Linking Words
 , foods diet was
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
healthier than today and fast food was not available too much. With the creation of social media , these habits day by day were forgotten
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 video games replaced physical games
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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also
Linking Words
 fast food
become
Wrong verb form
became
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 more available.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Check wording
children's
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 physical activities
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 decreased
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue
exist
Verb problem
has
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 lots
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
problems.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon could have lots of effects
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 society and health .
initially
Linking Words
, sitting for a long time and
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 activities can
exist
Verb problem
lead to being
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 overweight , heart problems and moving
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, having these problems
effects
Use the right word
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society.
For example
Linking Words
 , decreasing the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
age of death , lack of
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
 , it is a true fact that
now a days
Use the right word
nowadays
show examples
 the overweight has
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
risen in children and it is a troublesome trend
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the primary cause of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is
changing
Correct article usage
the changing
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 lifestyle from
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 and
trending
Wrong verb form
the trend of
show examples
new
Punctuation problem
new,
show examples
 bad habits.

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organization
Put the ideas in a clear plan. Use three parts: intro, body with two or three ideas, and a short end.
coherence
Make each idea in its own paragraph. Use linking words to move from one idea to the next.
grammar
Check your grammar. Use simple form. Fix plural mistakes and verb form.
content
Use more facts or real life examples in your writing. This helps show why the point is true.
content
The text shows an attempt to cover both causes and effects.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion, so the form is there.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
What to do next:
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