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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Technology is becoming progressively universal. In the fullness of time, classroom teachers will be totally substituted for technology. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent times, there has been a massive surge in technological use in classrooms, prompting questions about whether these advancements will replace the teacher’s role.I disagree with the aforesaid notion of educators being entirely supplanted by technology, as
such
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 innovations will not be suitable
in
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for
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 conducting student evaluations and maintaining discipline.
To begin
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 with, these gadgets would not prove beneficial in assessing a student’s
overall
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 progress in class. Since the children’s individual progression takes into account the behaviour
as well as
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 the test scores, relying solely on new inventions would be inefficient.
For example
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, in many IB
schools
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schools,
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 a pupil is promoted to the higher
well
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year
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 based on his academic performance and social interactions.These meetings can only be observed by a human being before being evaluated through
a
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an
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 electronic device.
Thus
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,humans need to intervene
while
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 making important decisions linked to a learner’s life.
Moreover
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,
such
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 machines won’t be able to curtail the disciplinary issues in the learning spaces.As behavioural issues are common in many schools, depending on these digital tools alone would not serve the purpose.
Inorder
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 to support
this
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 idea,
recently
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recently,
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 many competent teachers in China have introduced using special cameras in the class owing to a large number of teenagers breaching the rules.
Thus
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, humans need to be present to achieve successful outcomes with electronics. To summarise,
although
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 no one can deny the advantageous use of the latest innovations in
the
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apply
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academic settings, they cannot
excusively
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exclusively
 resolve the issues associated with student assessments and sustaining a balanced conduct in a class.
Therefore
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, teachers play a quintessential role in the educational process despite ongoing innovative
inevntions
Correct your spelling
innovations
.

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Task Response
Your position is clear. Add one more strong point or fact to show why tech cannot fully take over teaching.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on flow. Use simple links like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'then' to connect ideas in each paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make each paragraph fit one idea. Start with a short sentence about the idea, then explain or show a reason, then end with a short sum.
Language Use
Watch small mistakes in spelling and grammar. For example, 'an electronic device' instead of 'a electronic device', and 'In order' is two words.
Task Response
The writer has a clear view against full replacement by tech.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay uses examples to back up ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • progressively
  • substituted
  • prevalent
  • crucial
  • enhance
  • support
  • guidance
  • interaction
  • personal touch
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