IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In many countries, young people leave their parents’ home after finishing school, while in other cultures they continue living with their families for a longer time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 in many countries believe that young
people
Use synonyms
 should leave their
parent’s
Check wording
parents’
show examples
 home after finishing
school
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in other cultures they continue living with their families for a long time. I firmly argue that leaving family after finishing
school
Use synonyms
 is not a good choice.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who think
leaving
Change preposition
of leaving
show examples
 home after finishing
school
Use synonyms
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 several reasons.
For instance
Linking Words
, they believe it will help them to develop and improve
self-independentendent
Check wording
self-independence
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they do not care about their feelings because they think living alone to improve is more important than bonds.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who believe staying with the family is more important than living alone, mainly because they think that family is more essential.
However
Linking Words
, they believe
that is
Linking Words
 why they are happy together.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in their view
being
Punctuation problem
, being
show examples
 together
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them more than being alone.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, I strongly agree with the
people
Use synonyms
 who think staying with family is important, mainly because I share
them the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 same ideas.
In addition
Linking Words
, I believe staying with family will help me improve rapidly.
Overall
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 around the world have different views about
continue living
Wrong verb form
continuing to live
show examples
 with family after
school
Use synonyms
 or not. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I believe
people
Use synonyms
 should stay together.
However
Linking Words
, everyone
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 own beliefs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning
Make a plan before you write. Have 4 parts: intro, view one, view two, your opinion, and a short end.
coherence
Use words that link ideas. Use small words to show order such as first, also, and next.
content
Show clearly two sides. Give each side a reason and a short example. Then say your view once.
accuracy
Write with simple sentences. Check your grammar and spelling.
structure
Be careful with the ending. say your view again and sum up the main idea.
content
You state your own view.
structure
You try to compare two views.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: