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Writing Samples
Band 3

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree courses. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

According to
Linking Words
 the pie chart, it is shown that more than half of the Anthropology graduates get a
ful-time
Correct your spelling
full-time
 job
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 part-time
work
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 ranked
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second
showing
Punctuation problem
, showing
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 that most of the
students
Use synonyms
 would choose to
work
Use synonyms
 after their
graduations
Fix the agreement mistake
graduation
show examples
. For the remaining
students
Use synonyms
, 12% of them are unemployed
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 8% of them are left unknown or continue their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 as post-graduate
students
Use synonyms
. Only 5% of them choose to do part-time
work
Use synonyms
 during their post-graduate studies.
Overall
Linking Words
, 67% of them choose to
work
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 and leave studying in advance
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 13% of them choose to continue their learning. Including those left unknown, there are 20% of
students
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 choose not to
work
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 or study
which
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, which
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 may
seems
Wrong verb form
seem
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 relatively high
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it could be a chance for them to take a break or
working
Correct article usage
a working
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 holiday before entering the career.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is important to check their
salary
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 range after 5 years of
work
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 to see the career path of Anthropology
students
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.
Refering
Correct your spelling
Referring
 to the table showing their salaries after 5 years of
work
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, most of the
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 could earn $100,000+
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is 40% and 50% in freelance consultants and
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 sector
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
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.
However
Linking Words
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those for
worked
Wrong verb form
work
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 in private companies have a relatively lower
salary
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, which
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which
Use the right word
with
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 35% of them
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
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 50k to 75k. Yet, there are still 30% of them
could
Correct pronoun usage
who could
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 earn more than 100k in private companies. Comparing the three choices, it is discovered that people working as freelance
consultant
Fix the agreement mistake
consultants
show examples
 or in the government got a higher
salary
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon could be explained by their ability to seek freelance jobs on their own and the stability of government
work
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. When comparing the 4
bank
Fix the agreement mistake
banks
show examples
, most of the graduated
students
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 could earn a high
salary
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 of 75k or above after 5 years of
work
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 in the field
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is 80%, 80% and 55% respectively. The
salary
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 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
above the average.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, students, salary, k with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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