IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose .discuss bothe these views and give your own opinion

In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days,
sports
Use synonyms
 are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a way for us, as normal citizens, to stay healthy and boost
body
Correct pronoun usage
our body
show examples
 muscles.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 were
purposed
Verb problem
proposed
show examples
 to be banned by some parties
while
Linking Words
 some said no.
This
Linking Words
 essay is written to discuss the
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 of both parties. Concerning the educational purpose, dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 would
affect
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 children and teenagers to try dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 without
permissions
Fix the agreement mistake
permission
show examples
. Take high-speed racing as an example, it
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
show examples
 F1,
MotoGPT
Correct your spelling
MotoGP
 and Baja 1000
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
 cars,
motorcycle
Fix the agreement mistake
motorcycles
show examples
 and trucks as their competition tools. These
maybe
Use the right word
may be
show examples
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
transporting
Replace the word
transportation
show examples
 method for young kids that they may want to give it a go after watching those dangerous
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
. They may
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 these
sports
Use synonyms
 fun, cool
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 not
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
 it as dangerous. Without teachers' and parents' permission, some may even
stole
Wrong verb form
steal
show examples
 their parents' cars to compete with their friends or classmates.
This
Linking Words
 would cause a huge danger for themselves and
also
Linking Words
passbyers
Correct your spelling
passersby
. Not only being a potential danger,
dangerous
Correct word choice
but dangerous
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 may
also
Linking Words
 cost a long-term medical care burden for those injured
Use synonyms
athletes' family
Check wording
athletes
show examples
. The medical and care support would be heavy for all
athletes
Use synonyms
 since not everyone of them were famous and able to take care of the cost.
For instance
Linking Words
, car
crashing
Replace the word
crashes
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 commonly seen in high-speed racing
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
. Those
athletes
Use synonyms
 may
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
 broken arms and legs, fractures, severe burns and even death
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
something
Verb problem
is something
show examples
 we would not like to see. Even
there
Correct word choice
though there
show examples
 are no accidents in the race, the
continous
Correct your spelling
continuous
 training would still affect their health
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they will need to pay it back after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement. Apart from those who were famous
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 could earn a lot of money through competitions or sponsors, other
athletes
Use synonyms
 need to seek medical support after retiring
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is a heavy load for their family or the government. To tackle the above problem at
root
Correct article usage
the root
show examples
, banning dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 seems to be the right choice.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 raise their concerns about restricting their freedom to enjoy
sports
Use synonyms
 they like. Some
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy the
excitment
Correct your spelling
excitement
 after doing those extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 that makes them produce dopamine and stay
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
. If those
sports
Use synonyms
 were banned, it
is
Wrong verb form
would be
show examples
 hard for them to seek the same value
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 themselves and may encourage them to break the law and find something
that is
Linking Words
 even more dangerous to do. As for economic reasons, dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a way for countries
Verb problem
to attrack
show examples
attrack
Correct your spelling
attract
tourisms
Use the right word
tourists
show examples
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who would like to try it out as audience watching the competitions. Most of the dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 a suitable destination
that is
Linking Words
 relatively safe and under
controlled
Replace the word
control
show examples
. So, local tour, guidance,
rentals
Correct word choice
and rentals
show examples
 nearby could earn a living supported by the
sports
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, skydiving
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
coach
Correct article usage
a coach
show examples
 to teach the correct positions and postures
beforehead
Correct your spelling
beforehand
.
People
Use synonyms
 need to pay for the rent, salary for the skydiving company
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 most of them would stay
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the country
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
few days to take a walk and enjoy the food.
This
Linking Words
 shows the importance of having dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is boosting
Wrong verb form
boosts
show examples
 the tourism and economy of the country. All in all, it is not
nessecary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for
people
Use synonyms
 to get hurt when participating
dangerous
Change preposition
in dangerous
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it may be a cautionary tale for young children to follow without permission.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 topic is still controversial and should have more discussions before
having
Verb problem
reaching
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 conclusion.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Give a clear view in the end. State your own opinion clearly and stick to it in the conclusion.
structure
Organize ideas in order. Start with background, then discuss both sides in separate paragraphs, and finish with a clear opinion.
vocabulary
Use simple words and correct spellings. Check key phrases for accuracy.
examples
Add more specific examples and explain how they support your point.
coherence
Use simple linking words to connect ideas, like 'also', 'but', 'however', 'for example'.
content
The essay shows an attempt to discuss both views.
content
Examples are given to support points (cars, racing, economy).
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: