IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of the population aged 65 and over in three countries between 1940 and 2040.

The line graph illustrates the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and over in
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 from 1940 to 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentage of old
people
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 experienced the most dramatic change among all types.
By contrast
Linking Words
, those in
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 showed moderate growth. Before the year 2000, it is notable that the percentage of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 aged 65 years and over in
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 had the highest figure
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
more
Verb problem
was more
show examples
 than
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 in
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the proportion of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 accounted for the lowest.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 showed a trend that first rose and
then
Linking Words
 fell. At around the year 2000, the two lines intersected at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 point
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 14%.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
, those in
Japan
Use synonyms
 saw a trend that first decreased and
then
Linking Words
 increased. After the year 2000, it is obvious that there was a marked
climbed
Replace the word
climb
show examples
 in the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 65 years and over in
Japan
Use synonyms
,
finally
Linking Words
 reaching the highest point at approximately 27% in 2040.In the same period, the growth rate of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in
Sweden
Use synonyms
exceed
Wrong verb form
exceeded
show examples
 that of
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 after the point at 14%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, usa, sweden, japan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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