IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that students should work part-time while studying at university. Others believe students should focus only on their studies. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a belief that
students
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
 in a temporary
job
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
whilst
Change preposition
while
show examples
 studying at
university
Use synonyms
 . Others believe that
students
Use synonyms
 should focus on their academic performance rather than
Use synonyms
job
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
 . I personally believe that
students
Use synonyms
 should focus fully on their studies, because if they
work
Use synonyms
at
Use the right word
a
show examples
 part-time
job
Use synonyms
 ,they will get distracted by money. On the one hand ,
students
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 in a
part time
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
job
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
always have money for their expenses .
In addition
Linking Words
 to that ,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 their
job
Use synonyms
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 related to their future profession , they will be more experienced in the future ,
as a
Linking Words
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 it will be easier for them to get a
job
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 they will have higher chances to get a promotion .
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 a friend of mine used to
work
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 in a company as an electrician , whilst studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a
university
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 teaching about How to launch a company
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
As a
Linking Words
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 working
there
Punctuation problem
there,
show examples
 he
has
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learnt how
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 real company is built , he saw it is structure and so on .
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 working in a
part time
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 can cover a student’s expenses,
Despite
Fix capitalization
despite
show examples
 these arguments , I remain convinced that it can be a source of distraction for their studies and can lower their academic performance. As I mentioned
before
Punctuation problem
before,
show examples
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 a student
will get
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
 distracted by his
job
Use synonyms
 , it can lower his marks , performance , and a student might even lag behind the other
students
Use synonyms
 , which might expel him from a
university
Use synonyms
. In conclusion ,
although
Linking Words
 a part-time
job
Use synonyms
 can cover all costs , I believe that they can be expelled from the
university
Use synonyms
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can significantly lower their marks and impact on their studies.

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grammar
Fix grammar and sentence form. Some lines are long and contain errors.
task response
Give both sides more balance. Add more ideas for each side and explain why they matter.
coherence
Use clear link words to show how ideas go together. Use proper punctuation and simple structure.
lexical resource
Keep to simple words. Avoid hard words; stay in top 100 words.
content
Give more real examples and say how they prove your point.
structure
Clear personal view is stated in the intro and kept in the end.
coherence
Linking phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'In conclusion' help flow.
content
An example is given to back up a point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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