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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Youngers behaviour and attitude are sometimes effected by other persons at the same age , known as peer group pressure. What the advantages and disadvantages ?

Younger people tend to change their
behavior
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behaviour
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due to
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pressure
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 from other groups of the same age, known as
peer
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group
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pressure
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.
Although
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peer
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group
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pressure
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 can lead to some beneficial changes, there are
also
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 several concerning factors that should be considered. On the one hand,
peer
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group
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pressure
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 can encourage positive change among young people. The community a young person belongs to can easily lead to healthy competition, motivating them to improve academically, socially, or even professionally. Healthy competition can help them develop essential life skills,
such
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 as time management,
self care
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self-care
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, discipline or even team spirit, all of which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 needed in adulthood.
On the other hand
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,
peer
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group
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pressure
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 can
also
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 have negative impacts on younger individuals. Risky
behavior
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behaviour
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,
such
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 as smoking, drinking, and dropping out of
school
Punctuation problem
school,
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 can happen easily
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 when youngsters are pressured by others.
Moreover
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, fear of being judged can occur. That fear tends to make younger groups lose their confidence and individuality, making them
depended
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dependent
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 on
other’s
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others’
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 opinions. In conclusion,
peer
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group
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pressure
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 has both advantages and disadvantages
on
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for
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 younger people.
Overall
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, it is important for younger generations to maintain a healthy balance between social life and listening to themselves, maintaining their own beliefs and values.

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task
Make your main view clear in the first paragraph.
examples
Add one or two clear examples for each point to show more details.
grammar
Fix small grammar mistakes and use short, easy words.
cohesion
Use linking words to connect ideas.
content
The essay shows both sides of the issue.
structure
Introduction and conclusion exist.
structure
Clear use of 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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