IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart illustrates consumption of three kinds of fast food by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar graph gives information about the amount of money that
spend
Wrong verb form
is spent
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Pizza
Use synonyms
,
Fish
Use synonyms
 and Chips and Hamburgers in Australia by
youth
Use the right word
young
show examples
 people. Units are measured in time.
Overall
Linking Words
, the expenditure
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Hamburgers was the highest,
while
Linking Words
 all teenagers
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 less
amount
Check wording
apply
show examples
on
Pizza
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
Fish
Use synonyms
 and Chips were peak at the beginning after
experience
Replace the word
experiencing
show examples
 a significant decrease
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period. In 1975, the
spend
Replace the word
spending
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
Fish
Use synonyms
 and Chips
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 at
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 highest point at 100
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it fell slowly
about
Change preposition
to about
show examples
 82 in 1980,
whereas
Linking Words
 the buyers spend 10 in 1975 , and it rose dramatically
roughly
Rephrase
to about
show examples
 60 in the same least,
while
Linking Words
 the
consumers
Check wording
spending
show examples
 on
pizza
Use synonyms
 was the lowest
spend
Check wording
apply
show examples
in 1975 about 2
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it reached 18 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1980. Both in 1995 and 2000, the
hamburgers
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburger
show examples
lovers
Check wording
lovers'
show examples
spend
Replace the word
spending
show examples
 was 100 and
level
Use the right word
levelled
show examples
 off
until
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
least,
also
Linking Words
 on
pizza
Use synonyms
 customed stayed
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 for 5
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
reached to
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 82, but on
fish
Use synonyms
 dropped to 45 in 1995 and it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
38
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the end of the pattern.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words pizza, fish with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: