IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people believe that family has the strongest influence on a child’s development, while others believe that external factors such as television, friends and music play a big role. Discuss both views.

As the advancements
knocks
Correct subject-verb agreement
knock
show examples
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 door of society,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 always come
along with
Linking Words
 different beliefs.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 many individuals tend to think, family is one of the key influential
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 for the development of pupils.
Although
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 express their stance by saying, there are other majority of
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 which
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a crucial
role
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the development of children. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, both perspectives will be examined
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 a conclusion will be derived after weighing up both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opinions.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Family
Correct article usage
the Family
show examples
 has a key
role
Use synonyms
 in the upbringing of kids. When they are growing up, they spend
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 with family.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they learn initial lessons from those who are living with them. Which makes a difference in terms of family and values,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 if a
kid
Use synonyms
is grew
Wrong verb form
grows
show examples
 up in a lawyer family,
Use synonyms
kid
Correct article usage
the kid
show examples
 must
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have some essence of his family because he is observing them closely.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if a
kid
Use synonyms
 witnessed
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 abusive environment in his early life, they tend to carry the trauma lifelong.
However
Linking Words
, there are some other factors too which
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a vital
role
Use synonyms
.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 pupils are spending
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of their time on various digital platforms. It is observed that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it is very hard to
put
Verb problem
keep
show examples
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 eye on them. Television shows are driving their choices
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they are choosing their career by the inspiration of shows.
Although
Linking Words
 it has
Verb problem
been observed
show examples
observed widely
Correct word order
widely observed
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,
children's
Check wording
children
show examples
also
Linking Words
manipulate
Verb problem
make
show examples
 their
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 their friends and surroundings.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 if another
kid
Use synonyms
 is going
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
picnic
Correct article usage
a picnic
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 his friend
also
Linking Words
asked
Wrong verb form
asks
show examples
 their parents to allow them for
picnic
Correct article usage
a picnic
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
statements are correct on their own. Family background plays a vital
role
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 be influenced by other factors.

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structure
Make the view in the intro clear and add a short idea of your own at the end.
content
Give more facts or examples to back each idea.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words and keep one idea per sentence to help flow.
language
Fix errors in grammar and use common words more correctly.
grammar
Check spelling and choice of words to keep easy and true meaning.
strength
Good effort to discuss both sides.
strength
Some use of linking words like Firstly and However.
strength
The ending tries to sum up the view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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