IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, traditional food are being replaced by international fast food. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a view that traditional
food
Use synonyms
 is being replaced by fast
food
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 , which is affecting society and families in a negative way.
While
Linking Words
 others oppose
this
Linking Words
 notion, I personally argue in favour , as junk
food
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 may cause
health
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 issues. Fast
food
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 is quite a common type of
food
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due to
Linking Words
 its taste and speed. Nowadays, a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 tend to eat junk
food
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 rather than traditional
food
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, because it is fast and efficient, they are not wasting their time and concentrate on things which play a more essential role.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 who do not pay attention to what they are eating, now having problems with their
health
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. If they live that kind of lifestyle for the long term, they will have issues
such
Linking Words
 as being overweight or diabetes mellitus.
As a result
Linking Words
,
that
Correct determiner usage
this
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 may damage
well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
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 of humans caused by poor nutrition. Diet,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is crucial for general
health
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,
related
Verb problem
is related
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 to the habits that they gain. Traditional
food
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, one of the things that
people
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 tend to supply,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has been cooking over generations.Compared to fast
food
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, consumption of traditional
food
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 is more beneficial for digestion as it provides more vitamins, minerals and energy , which leads to a healthier body. The important thing
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that parents can do to enhance children's eating habits in families is
through
Change preposition
by
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 showing them the right choice.
For example
Linking Words
, young
people
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 tend to reflect the habits of their parents, which is why being an example for them may be beneficial for
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 generation. In conclusion, having learned about a balanced diet,
people
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 can improve their level of
health
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.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 harmful meals are common currently, eating traditional ones is more helpful for society

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task response
Your main idea is clear, but the essay does not say how much you agree. Add a line that marks your extent, like 'I agree that traditional food is better overall.'
coherence
Use small links to show steps: first, next, also, but, therefore.
coherence
Make a paragraph for one idea. Start with a short topic sentence and end with a small note.
grammar
Fix long sentences. Use periods. Capitalize proper names and start new lines.
content
Give more clear examples on why old food is good and why fast food hurts, not only health.
stance
The essay shows a clear view that traditional food is better.
evidence
There are points on health issues like obesity and diabetes.
cohesion
It shows how parents can guide kids' meals.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • nutritional value
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart diseases
  • family mealtime traditions
  • local economies
  • carbon footprint
  • culinary skills
  • homogenization
  • globalization
  • convenient
  • accessible meals
  • traditional cuisine
  • fast-paced lifestyle
What to do next:
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