IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

It is often argued that
Use synonyms
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 highly successful at convincing
people
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 to purchase companies'
products
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,
while
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 others insist that
promotions
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 are no
long
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longer
show examples
 special to persuade customers to buy their goods. From my perspective, the latter seems more plausible, but both sides of the issue will be examined in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, it can be argued that advertising still remains one of the strongest methods to convince
people
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 to buy their
items
Check wording
products
show examples
.
Firstly
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,
promotions
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 draw attention effectively.
This
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 is mainly because
advertisement
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 gives
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 impression in a few seconds. In other
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
, it gives a large number of merits about
products
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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 will be persuaded to purchase their
products
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.
For example
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, Nike hired a famous
basket
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basketball
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 player to promote their shoes to basketball fans,
then
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 it increased sales.
Moreover
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, fans could potentially become loyal consumers.
On the other hand
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, it is commonly believed that
Use synonyms
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not persuade
people
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 to buy their
products
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 anymore.
Firstly
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, it is because advertising is becoming common.
In other words
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,
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advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 no longer
takes
Verb problem
capture takes
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 attention
from
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of
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 consumers.
People
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 are exposed to a large number of
promotions
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while
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 they watch television, listen to
radio
Correct article usage
the radio
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 or even walk on
street
Correct article usage
the street
show examples
. So, it may make
people
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feeled
Correct your spelling
feel
 a sense of resistance. Which means
people
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 will not make decisions through
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advertisement
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advertisements
show examples
.
Moreover
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, advertising could mislead customers because
people
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 tend to
pick
Verb problem
prefer
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 important things as their preference. It can lead
people
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 to leave bad
review
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reviews
show examples
, and the sales will drop. In conclusion,
although
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 both views have their own merits, I personally believe that
promotions
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 will not be extremely
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 at persuading
people
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 to buy goods. As it became too common, and can mislead consumers.

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overall
Your essay covers both sides and ends with your own view. Make your view clear early and keep it steady through the essay.
structure
Plan before you write. Use one idea per paragraph and link ideas with clear words like first, next, also, but.
grammar
Watch small grammar and spelling mistakes. Check phrases like In other words, on the street, feel, etc.
example
Give a few more good examples and explain them simply, to back your point.
task
You show two sides and give your own view at the end.
example
You use at least one real example (Nike) to support a point.
coherence
You state your view in the conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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