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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.

The pie chart demonstrates the primary causes of worldwide
land
Use synonyms
 degradation in 1990. The
table
Use synonyms
 illustrates
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of causes of
land
Use synonyms
 deterioration by
region
Use synonyms
 during the 1990s.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 over-grazing was the primary
reason
Use synonyms
 for
land
Use synonyms
 degradation throughout the 1990s.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Europe
Use synonyms
 is the most affected
region
Use synonyms
 for
land
Use synonyms
 deterioration during the same years. First of all,
over grazing
Use the right word
over-grazing
show examples
 had the highest proportion at 35% from the pie chart. The second most crucial
reason
Use synonyms
 was over-cultivation and its
percentage
Correct article usage
a percentage
show examples
 of 30% on the pie chart.
In addition
Linking Words
, deforestation was the third
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
at 28% and the lowest figure of other causes at 7% during the years.
According to
Linking Words
 the
table
Use synonyms
, the most affected
region
Use synonyms
 was
Europe
Use synonyms
 by
land
Use synonyms
 degradation by 23% in
1990s
Correct article usage
the 1990s
show examples
. The primary
reason
Use synonyms
 for the
Europe
Use synonyms
 was deforestation by 9.8% and the other most important
reason
Use synonyms
 was over-cultivation and
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 accounted for 7.7%
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
table
Use synonyms
. The lowest proportion
which had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 over-grazing at 5.5% in
Europe
Use synonyms
 during the time period. Oceania was the second most affected
region
Use synonyms
 in terms of total
land
Use synonyms
 degraded by 13%
on
Change preposition
according to
show examples
 the
table
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
table
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
, Oceania had the highest figure at 11.3%
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared to other regions for the over-grazing.
Finally
Linking Words
, North America
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest percentage on the
table
Use synonyms
 by 5%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words land, table, region, reason, europe with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Agricultural productivity
  • Deforestation
  • Over-cultivation
  • Overgrazing
  • Soil erosion
  • Nutrient depletion
  • Land degradation
  • Soil compaction
  • Fertility
  • Preventive measures
  • Sustainable farming practices
  • Environmental impact
  • Economic implications
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