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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many people have to work for longer hours, asd they feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons? What can the employers do to make their lives easier?

In
this
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 era, it is notable that there is an increase in working hours for many individuals , which is reflecting on their mental health and increasing their stress. In
this
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 essay, I will shed light on the main reasons for
this
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 trend
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and explore many solutions that employers implement to make their lives easier. On the one hand, in the modern age, many
people
Use synonyms
 have to spend more time at
work
Use synonyms
, and they feel more stressed out . There are many reasons for
this
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 trend.
Firstly
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, we live in a competitive world, so
people
Use synonyms
 need to be more present
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 workplace.
Secondly
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, the 21st century's jobs have required more qualifications. Today's job market needs
people
Use synonyms
 to have a professional certificate.
Additionally
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,
In addition
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, globalisation plays a crucial role in imposing new regulations regarding working with international companies, and
this
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 includes additional tasks and responsibilities.
On the other hand
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, companies and employers need to provide a safe and calm
work
Use synonyms
 environment for their employees.
Also
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, offering a bonus for extra
work
Use synonyms
 hours would be beneficial for workers since
this
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 can help
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
relieve stress from
work
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
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, treating workers well makes worker increases
feelings
Correct pronoun usage
their feelings
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 of self-esteem and raises productivity.
For instance
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, Google
keen
Verb problem
is keen
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 on providing a comfortable environment and helping
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 employees engage in networking events. These make workers more royalty and feel calm in their workplace.
To conclude
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, in recent years, many
people
Use synonyms
 have worked more hours than before.
This
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 statement has many reasons.
In addition
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, employers should offer many options to provide a good environment for their employees.

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organization
Make your main idea clear in each paragraph and tie it back to the question.
language
Improve grammar and word choice; avoid wrong words like royalty.
example
Use 2-3 clear examples with simple facts to support points.
style
Avoid repeating ideas; use short, direct sentences.
structure
Clear plan with introduction, body, and conclusion.
content
Gives both reasons and solutions.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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