IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some peoplethink that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce morephysical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do youagree or disagree?

Nowdays
Use the right word
Nowadays
show examples
, an increasing number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are facing the
obesity
Use synonyms
 problem and more
andmore
Correct your spelling
and more
people
Use synonyms
 focus on losing weight. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think it is the best way
that
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the school
ought
Verb problem
apply
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to add more physical education courses. I agree
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
cliam
Correct your spelling
claim
 that more physical education
lessons
Use synonyms
 should
add
Wrong verb form
be added
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
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 the school curriculum. It is
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 to add more courses of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical
lessons
Use synonyms
. Compared to the adults, the
children
Use synonyms
 are willing to accept
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others'
advices
Correct your spelling
advice
.
This
Linking Words
 will help
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
children
Use synonyms
 pay more attention to the diseases caused by
obesity
Use synonyms
. Because of the
children
Use synonyms
's effect, the adults will want to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
examples of their
children
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. They will focus on the
obesity
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 of
themsleves
Correct your spelling
themselves
.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 the
health
Use synonyms
 issues will be paid more attention by the public. At that time, the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overweight
people
Use synonyms
 will be controlled and
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
 gradually.
For instance
Linking Words
, the schools in China often promote the importance of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
; thereofre
show examples
Correct your spelling
therefore
thereofre
Punctuation problem
thereofre,
show examples
 a lot of
people
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 in China
emphasize
Change the spelling
emphasise
show examples
 the issue.
Although
Linking Words
 the way to solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
 cannot get the result immediately, it can help them to deal with the problem. The method can solve the
longer
Replace the word
long-term
show examples
 problems because the physical
lessons
Use synonyms
 can change the mind
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
Use synonyms
 and cultivate the habit. The
people
Use synonyms
 can
conciously
Correct your spelling
consciously
void
Use the right word
avoid
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
obesity
Punctuation problem
obesity,
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therefore
Linking Words
 the
health
Use synonyms
 disease can
solve
Wrong verb form
be solved
show examples
 completely. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the way that add more physical education
lessons
Use synonyms
 cannot deal with the
problms
Correct your spelling
problems
 rapidly, it can help the public to cultivate the habits and solve the
health
Use synonyms
 issues completely.

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task response
Make your view clear at the start and keep it in all paragraphs.
task response
Give at least two or three real ideas with simple facts or examples to show your points.
coherence cohesion
Use simple link words to show how ideas go from one to the next (also, but, so, for example).
coherence cohesion
Group related ideas in one paragraph and end with a short closing sentence.
task response
The essay has a clear stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to follow a basic essay shape (intro, body, conclusion).
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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