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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below gives information on the number of workers in different occupations who migrated to Australia betwween 2009 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the number of skilled
workers
Use synonyms
 in four occupations — accountant, cook,
software
Use synonyms
 engineer and
computer
Use synonyms
 programmer — who migrated to Australia between 2009 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that there were of the essence differences in the numbers of migrant
workers
Use synonyms
.
In particular
Linking Words
, the largest number of
workers
Use synonyms
 are
accountants
Use synonyms
 in all years,
while
Linking Words
 the
least
Correct word choice
smallest
show examples
 amount was in
computer
Use synonyms
 programming by
migrants
Use synonyms
 in those years. In 2009,
accountants
Use synonyms
, cooks, and
software
Use synonyms
 engineers accounted for almost the same
quantity
Check wording
number
show examples
 at less than 20,000
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 lower
workers
Use synonyms
 made up the smallest proportion at approximately 4,000
people
Use synonyms
. In 2010,
accountants
Use synonyms
 and
software
Use synonyms
 engineers recorded the highest number of patterns, comprising nearly 30,000 and 20,000
people
Use synonyms
, respectively. They were followed by cookers and
computer
Use synonyms
 programmers, which constituted much lower numbers at 15,000 and around 4,000
people
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
,in 2011, cookers and
computer
Use synonyms
 programmers were lower than other occupations, making up just over 15,000 and 1,000
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
accountants
Use synonyms
 and
software
Use synonyms
 engineers recorded almost the same proportion,consisting of around 20,000
people
Use synonyms
. In 2012,
accountants
Use synonyms
 topped the list in
this
Linking Words
 category, making up almost 20,000
migrants
Use synonyms
, but the rest of the jobs exhibited almost similar results at approximately 16,000
migrants
Use synonyms
. As for
computer
Use synonyms
 programmers consisted lower amount at 5,000
migrants
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words workers, software, computer, accountants, migrants, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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