Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. Discuss advantage and disadvantages to children doing so?

In many countries, parents encourage their
children
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to take up part-time employment during their free time.
While
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this
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practice can offer several valuable benefits, it may
also
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present certain drawbacks.
This
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essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of
children
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engaging in part-time work. One significant upside is that part-time jobs help
children
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develop a sense of responsibility and independence. By managing their own schedule and fulfilling workplace obligations, young people learn essential life skills,
such
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as time management, discipline, and communication.
For example
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, some senior high schools in Indonesia
are encouraged
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encourage
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their students to work
in
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during
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the semester break,
hence
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, many youngsters understand
basic
Correct article usage
the basic
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rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
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of employability.
This
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practice is essential for
children
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to prepare them before
involving
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getting involved
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in real-life working, so that
,
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apply
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they will be ready at
early
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an early
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age.
However
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, there are
also
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notable constraints to consider. One major concern is that
part-time
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a part-time
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job may interfere with a teenager’s academic performance. If working hours are excessive, students may struggle to concentrate
their
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on their
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studies or complete
assignment
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assignments
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effectively.
This
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could ultimately affect their long-term educational prospects.
For example
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, research conducted by a university in Indonesia reports that some students have
complaint
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complaints
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about the working system that
involve
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involves
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young
intern
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interns
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in the Indomart and Alfamart, some of
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the convenient
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convenient
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convenience
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markets in Indonesia, since they have to be available as long as the official working hours. In conclusion, I strongly believe that part-time employment can offer a valuable advantage for young people to upgrade
skills
Correct pronoun usage
their skills
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.
Therefore
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, parents should ensure that working hours remain limited and do not compromise education.

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content
Add more concrete examples with small facts or numbers to back up each point.
grammar
Fix grammar and make sentence structure simple. For example, correct 'are encouraged their students' and 'have to be available as long as the official working hours'.
structure
Make your view clear in the opening paragraph and repeat it in the ending paragraph.
coherence
Use clearer links and topic sentences so each paragraph sticks to one idea.
content
The writer uses a clear wish to discuss both sides and to give a view.
coherence
Good use of linking words like However and For example.
content
The topic is connected to real places in the country, which adds relevance.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...
What to do next:
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