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Writing Samples
Band 3

The table shows the Proportions of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types Between Between 2000 and 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

This
Linking Words
 table
summarizes
Change the spelling
summarises
show examples
 different proportions of secondary
school
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 types attended by students in three different years. In
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
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 most part of pupils attended voluntary-controlled
schools
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in
2009
Punctuation problem
2009,
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community
Use synonyms
Schools
Use synonyms
 were the most frequented. Most part of children attended Voluntary-controlled
Scools
Correct your spelling
Schools
 and
Community
Use synonyms
Schools
Use synonyms
. Looking at details, 52% of pupils
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 in a Voluntary-controlled
school
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 only 12% of them
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 in a
Community
Use synonyms
school
Use synonyms
, in 2000.
Oppositely
Rephrase
In contrast
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, in 2009, 58% of children were in a
Community
Use synonyms
School
Use synonyms
. Looking at Grammar
schools
Use synonyms
, they had a slight decrease, from 24% in 2000 to 12% in 2009.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Specialists
Fix the agreement mistake
Specialist
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Schools
Use synonyms
 were the
less
Replace the word
least
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 frequented over
this
Linking Words
 time period, with a percentage ranging from 12% in 2000 to 10% in 2009. It can be concluded that, over
this
Linking Words
 decade, Pupils attending Voluntary-controlled
schools
Use synonyms
 progressively decreased
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 those attending
Community
Use synonyms
Schools
Use synonyms
 had
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 opposite increasing trend.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, schools, community with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportions
  • attendance
  • secondary schools
  • types
  • pupils
  • statistics
  • trends
  • increase
  • decrease
  • school types
  • comparing
  • percentage change
  • education policy
  • demographics
  • illustrate
  • proportionate change
  • data
  • overview
  • fluctuations
  • analysis
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