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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Individuals are divided in their opinion regarding
zoos
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 some people claim that
zoos
Use synonyms
 must be closed
due to
Linking Words
cruel
Correct article usage
a cruel
show examples
 attitude, others, vice versa, advocate that
zoos
Use synonyms
 could be
exploit
Wrong verb form
exploited
show examples
 as a "shelter" place for some species of
animals
Use synonyms
. I
Verb problem
am trully
show examples
trully
Correct your spelling
truly
 convinced that
zoos
Use synonyms
 must not exist in the developed world
due to
Linking Words
 many
reasons
Use synonyms
. At least, it is amoral to use
animals
Use synonyms
 for entertaining
reasons
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
more over
Use the right word
moreover
show examples
, the possibility of
cruel
Correct article usage
a cruel
show examples
 attitude from
zoos
Use synonyms
'
visitors
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
, cannot be eliminated.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
 could become "
safity
Correct your spelling
safety
 island" for some species, which
indegered
Wrong verb form
are endangered
show examples
 nowadays in their natural habitat.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
zoos
Use synonyms
 can provide
unique
Correct article usage
a unique
show examples
 opportunity to deep
society
Use synonyms
 in
reality
Correct article usage
the reality
show examples
 of
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 changes.
To begin
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 with,
usage
Replace the word
using
show examples
 live souls as a
part
Use synonyms
 of entertainment is not
correlate
Wrong verb form
correlated
show examples
 with the termin
such
Linking Words
 as "developed
society
Use synonyms
". Even more, it is hardly ever related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 just "
society
Use synonyms
". Despite some policies and standards
exist
Wrong verb form
existing
show examples
 regarding the keeping
Use synonyms
animals
Change preposition
of animals
show examples
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
,
especialy
Correct your spelling
especially
 in developed countries, it is hard to exclude
cruel
Replace the word
cruelty
show examples
 from
Use synonyms
visitors
Check wording
visitors'
show examples
 side towards
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
. The major
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
zoo'
show examples
zoos'
Check wording
zoos
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
-
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
are children. In
this
Linking Words
 case, from
youth
Replace the word
a young
show examples
age
Punctuation problem
age,
show examples
 they get maybe the worst example of
interraction
Correct your spelling
interaction
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature through force and
supression
Correct your spelling
suppression
, using
inpreasoned
Correct your spelling
imprisoned
, frustrated
animals
Use synonyms
 as
part
Use synonyms
 of entertainment.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
visitors
Punctuation problem
visitors,
show examples
 especially the
yangest
Correct your spelling
youngest
 of
them
Punctuation problem
them,
show examples
 could be poorly instructed during their visit about
interraction
Correct your spelling
interaction
 with the
animals
Use synonyms
. Even just loud sounds like exciting
shout
Fix the agreement mistake
shouts
show examples
 or fast movements and
jestures
Correct your spelling
gestures
 could be ultimately stressful for
representors
Correct your spelling
representatives
 of wildlife.
However
Linking Words
, in the current state-of-the-art of
society
Use synonyms
 and culture,
zoos
Use synonyms
 could be used as
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
 of preservation
some
Change preposition
for some
show examples
 species and as an involvement point of
cityzens
Correct your spelling
citizens
 in an
awaraness
Correct your spelling
awareness
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 scale of
inveronmental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 changes
happining
Correct your spelling
happening
 in the world.
For instance
Linking Words
, pandas - the symbol of China were on the
adge
Correct your spelling
verge
 of
disappearence
Correct your spelling
disappearance
due to
Linking Words
 many
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
, including
inveronmental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 changes
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, thanks to the nationwide program in China, the population of pandas was
restore
Wrong verb form
restored
show examples
.
Zoos
Use synonyms
, located across the
counrty
Correct your spelling
country
, contributed a lot as a
part
Use synonyms
 of the process.
There
Use the right word
Those
show examples
 pandas were surrounded by care and love, and
visitors
Use synonyms
 were informed about the problem,
reasons
Use synonyms
 and aims.
This
Linking Words
 is a good example of a broad
aweraness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 about the problem and beneficial actions from both sides:
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 and
society
Use synonyms
. Based on mentioned above, I
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that in
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
 must exist just as a memory of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
part
Use synonyms
 of our (already mature
society
Use synonyms
) development.
However
Linking Words
, nowadays
zoos
Use synonyms
 could and must be
exploit
Wrong verb form
exploited
show examples
 for protection and educational
reasons
Use synonyms
, creating a
fundation
Correct your spelling
foundation
 for
sustainable
Correct article usage
a sustainable
show examples
 future without prisons for
animals
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Make a clear plan. Start with a short talk of both side, then say your own view. Use one idea per part.
content
Use one idea to support each claim. Give small facts or examples.
language
Fix big grammar and spell errors. Use short, simple sentences.
conclusion
Keep a true intro, body, and a short end line.
content
The essay has the idea of both sides.
example
It has a real example about pandas.
value
There is effort to show why zoos may be good and not just bad.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
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