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Band 7

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the calue of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

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Introduction
In almost every country, primary and secondary schools give a two-month summer holiday. The value of
this
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 is to relax for a time after hard work, and to have fun , which is essential, especially when you are a child.
Body · 1
After a whole year of study and hard work, children and teenagers are often tired and need a break in order to relax and recharge their energy to start their new school year.
Furthermore
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, these two months make them think about other things than studies , and they return to school with a much clearer mind.
This
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 is said by so many specialists.
For example
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, Nicolas Romero, a Spanish psychologist, states that students return from their summer holidays with twice times much energy as before the end of the academic period.
Body · 2
For children, having fun is one of the biggest goals of their lives.
Due to
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this
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, when they have some time off, they are going to spend as many hours as possible playing outside.
In addition
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, the results are much happier children who spent their summer doing what they wanted to and being totally free for the first time in a year. In fact, it helps them to recover from the study stress and contributes to their happiness.
For instance
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, I remember when I was a child , and the final break was the happiest a couple of months because I was able to play all day , and I felt free.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, the period of vacation in the summertime is a very valuable thing for students because it helps them be more concentrated when they return, and their happiness increases notably.

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improvement
The essay has a clear idea, but place all ideas in a simple and clear order. Start with a short plan and keep each idea in one line when you write.
improvement
Find grammar and word use errors. Change 'twice times' to 'twice as much'. Use 'as' after 'twice' to show amount. Fix spaces before commas and make short, clean sentences.
improvement
The essay only talks to praise long holidays. Add one or two small ideas that say why shorter holidays can be good too, with simple facts.
improvement
Give more real examples that are easy to read. A short fact or small study in plain words is fine, not many long stories.
improvement
Finish with a short ending that rest the main idea and show what you think about the topic.
strength
The idea that long holidays help tired students is clear.
strength
Linking words like furthermore and in addition help the flow.
strength
There is a small story from the writer to show a point.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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