as cyber-perpetration is becoming a main online problem, socail media and technological companies should be obligated be government to launch strict policy(ies) against cyber-bullying. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Recently, as people spend more time on social
media
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, cyber-perpetration is starting to be a much more serious problem.
As a result
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, I think it is natural for the
government
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to come up with policies for preventing cyber-bullying.
However
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, the freedom of the citizens to say what they want is crucial as well, so I believe the rules should be kept to a minimum. Nowadays, in social
media
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, the fact that people can stay anonymous affects how they write.
For example
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, a lot of people in Korea have a secret account only for commenting and socialising. The second account helps them to express their opinions more freely.
On the other hand
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, it could be used as a way to hurt and deceive each other, as they are completely hidden. They tend to be more
brutelly
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brutally
honest, and as they don't have to think about their reputation, they do not care about who is there on the other side. There are even celebrities in Korea who died because of the harsh comments. In conclusion, I agree that the
government
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should provide guidelines for companies that make
a
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media
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-related
site
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sites
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or
application
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applications
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.
For example
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, banning swear words
,
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and words that are only used for harassing others.
However
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,
while
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I am
compeltely
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completely
with the idea of the guidelines, I think it should be minimised to the least. If the
government
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take too much control over the
media
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, citizens lose freedom for their opinions. In that regard, I believe that the
government
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should have serious laws to protect the real humans that are active in the
media
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, but not for the opinion of
other
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others
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things
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apply
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.

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task response
State a clear position in the intro and keep it in all parts.
examples
Add strong, real examples; do not rely on vague ideas.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas connect and to guide the reader.
grammar
Check spelling and fix common errors (e.g., 'bruttelly' to 'brutally', 'completely').
style
Use short, simple sentences to keep the text clear.
strength
The topic is clear and close to real life.
strength
The essay shows how anonymity can lead to harm and the need for rules.
strength
The writer gives a view on freedom and government rules.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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