IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In recent years, controversy over the having a high income is more significant than being satisfied with one’s job has become increasingly relevant.

Some individuals argue that a large income is essential to meet the fundamental human needs .
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 I personally agree
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 idea of a good salary is
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for covering living expenses,
Linking Words
however
Rephrase
apply
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I strongly believe that
job
Use synonyms
 fulfilment is far more valuable in the long term. One of the compelling arguments in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of
job
Use synonyms
 fulfilment
has
Verb problem
is
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 the positive impact on mental health and productivity.
That is
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 to say, if people enjoy their work conditions, it is likely that they are more motivated and can perform better during working hours.
For instance
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, many employees who earn large salaries
consequently
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 leave their jobs
due to
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 emotional exhaustion and lack of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
, which negatively affects both their personal and professional
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Another persuasive aspect of
job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction is
considered
Verb problem
apply
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personal
life
Use synonyms
 development. In fact, if workers are satisfied with their jobs, they have more energy and time to pursue social
life
Use synonyms
, hobbies, and personal interests. To illustrate, people who pursue activities they love,
such
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 as
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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, sports, or creative hobbies, they are tend to build stronger relationships with family and friends and feel happier
general
Change preposition
in general
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.
Therefore
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, they avoid being under pressure. In conclusion, having discussed the benefits of work fulfilment, I strongly believe that enjoying one’s
job
Use synonyms
 outweighs earning a big salary.
Job
Use synonyms
 satisfaction not only drives to improve productivity but
also
Linking Words
 allows individuals to lead a balanced, happy, and fulfilling
life
Use synonyms
.be

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grammar
Fix small grammar and spell mistakes. Use 'Even though' not 'Eventhough'. Use 'fulfillment' in one form and be careful with spelling like 'necessary'.
structure
Make the idea flow clear. Start with a short plan in the intro and end with a short conclusion that restates your view. Use simple linking words like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'therefore'.
content
Give a real example or number to back a point. Right now the ideas are big. A small story or fact helps the score.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea. The first body paragraph could talk about mental health, the second about life works. Then a note that money is needed but not the main need.
content
The writer states a clear view that job happiness weighs more than a high wage.
structure
There is a simple plan: intro, two body points, and a short conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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