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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is agood thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather thancompeting against each other.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In recent
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 the question of
wheter
Correct your spelling
whether
 competition at work, school and in daily life is a good thing has become widely debated. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
sosiety
Correct your spelling
society
 should cooperate and help each other,
while
Linking Words
 others think that a healthy competition is a valuable aspect in reaching the
improvemant
Correct your spelling
improvement
of humanity. Personally, I strongly agree with the fact that a challenge makes
people
Use synonyms
 motivated to become a better version of themselves.
Firstly
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, in
general
Add a comma
general,
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 a desire to become better than others is an
evolutional
Replace the word
evolutionary
show examples
 character of
people
Use synonyms
 which helps individuals to move
forvard
Correct your spelling
forward
.
However
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,
people
Use synonyms
 are usually
compeating
Correct your spelling
competing
 with others to prove to themselves or to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society that they accomplished something.
Furthermor
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, a healthy
chellange
Correct your spelling
challenge
 of
yorself
Correct your spelling
yourself
 is a
banefitial
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beneficial
 thing that helps
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 what are person's limits
.
Verb problem
are.
show examples
 For
inctance
Correct your spelling
instance
, in today's
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 there are
planty
Correct your spelling
plenty
 of
increadible
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incredible
 and smart
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 walked through the path of constant
improvemant
Correct your spelling
improvement
 and competitions with other experts in the same
feild
Correct your spelling
field
 to prove that they are the best. In my point of view, in the modern world
Punctuation problem
, humens
show examples
humens
Correct your spelling
humans
 are constantly competing with each other
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is normal to fight for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 place under the sun.
Secondly
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, it is important to see the
differance
Correct your spelling
difference
 between a healthy
challange
Correct your spelling
challenge
 and
jelocy
Correct your spelling
jealousy
.
Nevertheless
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 are losing themselves in the constant run for the
immposible standarts
Correct your spelling
impossible standards
 that
sosiety
Correct your spelling
society
 created.
For example
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, the modern trends are saying that a person needs to be productive, to accomplish 10 tasks per day, to combine work,
sudying
Correct your spelling
studying
 and gym.
Moreover
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, the perfect
examle
Correct your spelling
example
 that shows the
deepth
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depth
 of the problem is the
sityation
Correct your spelling
situation
 in Asian countries,
such
Linking Words
 as Japan or Korea, where
the the
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 significant part of the population
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 trying to harm themselves because of the
presure
Correct your spelling
pressure
 of the unrealistic expectations. In conclusion,
due to
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 the aforementioned reasons,I agree that the challenges
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 important, they
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 humans at what stage of their path they are and how to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 the better versions of themselves.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it is
also
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 a valuable point that
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 should respect and love each other and themselves
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
baced
Correct your spelling
based
 on their
accomplishnents
Correct your spelling
accomplishments
 but on who they are as a person.

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overall
Good effort to cover both views and give your own opinion. Improve spelling and fix errors to help the reader.
grammar
Work on grammar and sentence form. Use shorter simple sentences to avoid errors.
development
Build ideas more with clear reasons. Give one clear example for each point.
structure
Finish with a short and clear conclusion that restates your view.
content
You try to cover both sides and give your view
structure
You use linking words to show order
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • competition
  • cooperation
  • motivation
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • teamwork
  • anxiety
  • burnout
  • collaboration
  • social skills
  • excellence
  • grades
  • community
  • stress
  • individual success
  • overall performance
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