IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Space exploration is much too expensive and the money should be spent on more important things. Q: What is your opinion?

Astronomical inventions are gaining significant popularity among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nations these days. It has always been argued
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that spaceship projects are very costly
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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this
Linking Words
 expenditure has to be on other crucial projects.
Despite
Change preposition
Although
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 space inventions are important for development, I support
notion
Correct article usage
the notion
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 that government funds should be invested
on
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in
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 other sectors
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare and
education
Use synonyms
, which
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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 immediate benefits to
public
Correct article usage
the public
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.  To commence with, space inventions have
put
Verb problem
had
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significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 impact on our lives, despite to developing countries should invest
on
Change preposition
in
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 other important things. First and foremost, a country
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 has
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 health system can decrease mortality and morbidity substantially. People can get medical assistance on time
upon
Change preposition
for
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 any health issue. If they come across
to
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apply
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any disease, they
got
Wrong verb form
get
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 it treated on time without
unusal
Correct your spelling
unusual
 delays.
For example
Linking Words
, Cuba highly
invest
Correct subject-verb agreement
invests
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on
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in
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 their healthcare over other sectors.
Therefore
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, they successfully
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 the life expectancy there.
Education
Use synonyms
 is one of the important
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
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.
Education
Use synonyms
 plays
a
Correct article usage
an
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 important role in the development of
country
Correct article usage
a country
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. If
country
Correct article usage
a country
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a strong
education
Use synonyms
 system,
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 younger
will
Check wording
generation will
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 get
good
Correct article usage
a good
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education
Use synonyms
 and become great
civilians
Check wording
citizens
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. The rate of literacy will increase significantly.
Now a days
Use the right word
Nowadays
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, some countries have traditional
classroom
Fix the agreement mistake
classrooms
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 with 40 students in a class. For
an
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apply
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instance,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 India, there are almost 30-40 per class,
it
Correct word choice
so it
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 is very difficult to give full attention to each pupil.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries with
good
Correct article usage
a good
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education
Use synonyms
 system
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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have only 6-7 students per class.
To conclude
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 can invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other things
instead
Linking Words
 of expensive spaceship programs. In my opinion, there are other sectors
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 which can provide direct and immediate benefits to
public
Correct article usage
the public
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should spend more on them.

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structure
Plan your ideas before you write. Use one main idea in each paragraph and say your view at the start.
coherence
Keep the order clear. Use linking words to show how ideas are connected.
content
Give more proof for each point. Use full, simple examples you know.
content
The writer shows a clear view from the start.
content
Some good ideas on health and education are used.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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