IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are moving from villages to cities. Some people considers this to be a negative development. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Across the world,
people
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 are migrating from rural to urban areas, a process known as
Use synonyms
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
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. The resulting depopulation of the countryside has raised some concerns.
However
Linking Words
, I think
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development
overall
Linking Words
. In
this
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 essay, I will describe both the positive and the negative aspects of
Use synonyms
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
show examples
, with examples, and what we can do about it.
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Urbanization
Change the spelling
Urbanisation
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 is inseparable from the process of
industrialization
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industrialisation
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. As a country
industrialize
Verb problem
industrialises
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, new factories are built in the cities, offering new jobs that attract new workers from the countryside.
Additionally
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, as cities
grows
Correct subject-verb agreement
grow
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 and technologies
advances
Correct subject-verb agreement
advance
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, they demand new services and create opportunities for new businesses, from bakeries to healthcare. On the other side of the equation, the
mechanization
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mechanisation
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 of agriculture means that farms can now produce ever-increasing amounts of food
while
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 employing ever-decreasing numbers of
people
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, rendering small farms unable to compete and farmworkers redundant, pushing
people
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 out in search of new jobs. These forces of
modernization
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modernisation
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 have lifted billions of
people
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 out of poverty, provided amenities beyond the wildest dreams of ancient philosophers, and broken the cycles of famine that had long stalked humanity.
However
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,
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urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
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 does not come without its downsides. The flight of young
people
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 from the countryside has left rural areas wanting for workers. A decreasing population means the village or town cannot generate the tax revenue to pay for essential services and maintenance of infrastructure.
This
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in
Punctuation problem
, in
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turn
Punctuation problem
turn,
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 scares away desperately needed professionals
such
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 as medical doctors and nurses. In the worst-case scenario, the town withers away, leaving behind a "ghost town" devoid of human life.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there is no putting the genie back in the bottle. No one wants to go back to a world without antibiotics or electronics or any other modern amenities, not even
people
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 living in dying towns. We cannot turn back the tide of
Use synonyms
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
show examples
, nor should we. What we can do is to try to ensure rural
people
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 are not left out of the amenities that urban
people
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 enjoy, and make sure that new generations of rural
people
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 have the same opportunity to succeed as those born in cities.

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grammar
Fix small grammar and word mistakes to improve accuracy. For example, change 'as cities grows' to 'as cities grow'.
structure
Make ideas more clear and use one idea per paragraph. Start with a topic sentence and end with a simple idea.
linking
Give more clear links between points. Use words like 'also', 'but', 'however' to show how ideas are related.
content
Include more specific examples to show the point. Try to give one or two facts or real ideas.
style
Use shorter sentences sometimes. This helps the reader and shows control of form.
task response
The writer shows a clear view and keeps to the topic.
coherence
There is an easy structure with start, middle and end.
content
There are good ideas about jobs, town services and depopulation.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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