IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Technology allows food to be produced in greater quantities at lower prices. Some people believe this is a positive development, while others feel that the change is harmful. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

Nowdays
Use the right word
Nowadays
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,
advance
Correct word choice
advanced
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 technology has made a
signigicant
Correct your spelling
significant
change in
food
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 production by enabling large quantities of
food
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 to be
produce
Wrong verb form
produced
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 at lower prices.Citizens are
splits
Wrong verb form
split
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 into two
groups
Punctuation problem
groups,
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 some believe
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development ,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree
arguing
Punctuation problem
, arguing
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 that it may have negative side
effectes
Correct your spelling
effects
 and could be harmful to
peopel's
Correct your spelling
people's
health
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 modern method of
food
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prodction
Correct your spelling
production
 can be a good solution for
soceity
Correct your spelling
society
 because the global population
si
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is
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 increasing rapidly. As the number of people
continue
Correct subject-verb agreement
continues
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ti
Use the right word
to
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 rise,the demand for
food
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also
Linking Words
 grows significantly. As a
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
results
Add a comma
results,
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this
Linking Words
 population growth puts pressure on the world to find efficient ways to produce enough
food
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.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 technology in agriculture and
food
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 production is an effective way to meet the growing demand and ensure that more people can afford basic
food
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.
For example
Linking Words
, automated farming machines allow farmers to
harverst
Correct your spelling
harvest
 crops much faster than before.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
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food
Use synonyms
 production
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 and prices become more affordable for consumers.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 rapid method of producing crops can be concerning
due to
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 the heavy use of pesticides and chemicals. These substances may be harmful to human
health
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 and could lead to serious
health
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 problems if consumed regularly.
As a
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result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 in the long term,
this
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 may create negative consequences for public
health
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
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, more people may require medical treatment ,which could place additional pressure on healthcare systems and increase government spending funded by taxpayers.
Overall
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,
although
Linking Words
 modern technology may appear to be a quick solution to meet the
increasng
Correct your spelling
increasing
 demand caused by population growth, it can have more negative impacts on society in the long term. In the long
term
Add a comma
term,
show examples
 future
genearation
Correct your spelling
generations
 may have to deal with the consequences of decisions made today.
Therefore
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in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 my opinion, the negative effects of
this
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 development outweigh the positive ones.

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grammar
Fix big spelling and grammar mistakes to make the meaning clear.
coherence
Link ideas more clearly; use easy linking words to show flow.
content
Give more clear and full example for each point.
task response
State your own view clearly in one last sentence.
content
The essay shows an attempt to discuss both sides.
structure
It uses a clear overall structure with an intro, two main parts, and a conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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