IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss bot views and give your opinion.

A few citizens believe that the best
way
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 to decrease
crime
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 is to give criminals longer
prison
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sentences
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.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 think that other measures would be more effective in reducing
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crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
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. I believe that better options are the best
way
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 to combat
crime
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 rather than longer
prison
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sentences
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. Nowadays, it is noticeable that the
crime
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 rate has significantly increased compared to many years ago.
This
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 is for many reasons
despite
Punctuation problem
, despite
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 the fact that the government has imposed strict laws against the offenders. Many of us believe that those strict and long
sentences
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 are the best
way
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 to punish the lawbreakers. They think that punishing them with the longest
sentences
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will help them to reflect and understand the
crimes
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.
For instance
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, perpetrators who have spent most of their lives in
prison
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 will think twice before committing another
crime
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.
This
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 is because they do not want to end their life in
prison
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and
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, and
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 they know well what it means to serve a long
prison
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 sentence. Meanwhile, there should be other alternatives to reduce
crime
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instead
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 of simply issuing long
sentences
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 for offenders.
For example
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, the government should implement a new curriculum in schools to better prepare students for the modern world.
As a result
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 ,young
people
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 will understand the consequences of
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
crimes
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.
Moreover
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, offering students free education will keep them away from criminal activities.
Also
Linking Words
, providing apprenticeship courses can prevent young
people
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being
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from being
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 exposed to
crime
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. In conclusion, teaching young
people
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 at
early
Correct article usage
an early
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stages
Fix the agreement mistake
stage
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on
Change preposition
apply
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how to avoid getting involved
into
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in
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crimes
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is a better
way
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rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
Linking Words
then
Use the right word
than
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 just punishing them with longer
sentences
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 when they commit
crimes
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.

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overall
Your view is clear but ideas need more depth. Add more facts or steps to show how the new ideas would cut crime.
structure
Use one point in each paragraph. Start with a clear sentence that tells the point, then add a detail or example.
cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like but, so, also, and then to show how ideas go together.
language
Check spelling and grammar. Use short sentences and simple words.
strength
You show a clear view and have a plan to talk about better options.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present and help the reader.
idea
You give real ideas like schooling and training as ways to cut crime.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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