IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One of
widely
Correct article usage
the widely
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 discussed issues nowadays is
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the huge
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 between the government to focus on promoting a healthy lifestyle before the numbers of sick people in society grow. We will discuss
both
Use synonyms
 perspectives in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
In
Change preposition
On
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 one hand, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a lot of individuals
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
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 in taking control over the
preoblem
Correct your spelling
problem
 before
happining
Verb problem
it happens
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. The main idea, if there is
health
Use synonyms
 awareness from a young age, with parents who taught their kids,
how
Rephrase
apply
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it is important to care for their own
health
Use synonyms
.
by
Fix capitalization
By
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 following a healthy lifestyle and working out 4 days a week, at least, that will avoid any
health
Use synonyms
 problems that
did
Verb problem
are
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 not caused by
age related
Use the right word
age-related
show examples
-
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
peoblems
Correct your spelling
problems
. The
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of patients will decline dramatically.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 if there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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educationers
Correct your spelling
educators
 to educate the youth
individuals
Punctuation problem
individuals,
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 that will lead to a larger
peoblem
Correct your spelling
problem
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society will suffer more over the years
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Thus
Linking Words
, it is impossible to have solutions that will
frustrate
Verb problem
address
show examples
 the main issue if they are not properly applied.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is a strong mentioning point, from a second opinion people, not spending the whole government budget for only
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
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 people,
while
Linking Words
forgeting
Correct your spelling
forgetting
 about the other,
who's
Verb problem
who are
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 already suffering from the
lost
Replace the word
loss
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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their chances of being
aducated
Correct your spelling
educated
 and
rise
Verb problem
raising
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 their awareness to avoid illness.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I can see
both
Use synonyms
 sides in a very logical way. Each part of the reasons is
understanable
Correct your spelling
understandable
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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both
Use synonyms
 seem to be fair. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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i
Fix capitalization
I
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 would say
both
Use synonyms
 sides complement each other
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 Taking steps from each side will reduce
health
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in society.

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planning
Plan your essay before writing. Make a quick outline with what you will say in each part.
task response
Say your main view in the intro and repeat it in the end so the reader sees your stance.
coherence
Use small and simple links to join ideas, like and, also, but, so, for
task response
The writer tries to talk about both sides of the issue.
coherence
The idea is easy to follow for some parts and the flow is clear at times.
structure
The essay has a basic shape with an opening, body and close.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • chronic diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • public health campaigns
  • lifestyle-related illnesses
  • quality of life
  • health-conscious society
  • allocate funds
  • balanced healthcare system
  • comprehensive healthcare strategy
What to do next:
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