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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The two bar charts below show the proportion of 14- to 16-year-old students studying a foreign language in an English speaking country, and the top three foreign languages. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two bar charts give information about the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 14- to 16-year-old boys and
girls
Use synonyms
 studying a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 in an English-speaking country, and the top three foreign languages, namely French, German, and
Spanish
Use synonyms
, between 1984 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of
girls
Use synonyms
 who studied a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 was much higher than that of boys in both years, 1984 and 2007.
Moreover
Linking Words
, French was the most favourite foreign
language
Use synonyms
;
in contrast
Linking Words
,
Spanish
Use synonyms
 was the least favourite. As can be seen in the graph, the figure for
girls
Use synonyms
 who studied a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 accounted for almost 50% in 1984, but
this
Linking Words
percentage
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 gradually dropped to 40% in 2007. Following the same downward trend as
girls
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, the proportion of boys slowly decreased to around 23% in 2007, compared to 30% in 1984. Regarding the top 3 languages studied by students, 50% of students chose French to learn in 1984;
in contrast
Linking Words
,
Spanish
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 accounted for just 3%, which means
this
Linking Words
language
Use synonyms
 had the lowest
percentage
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.
However
Linking Words
, the proportion of French fell significantly to under 30% in 2007,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for
Spanish
Use synonyms
 doubled to 10% that year.
Finally
Linking Words
, German was the second choice with 20% in 1984 and slightly decreased to 13% in 2007.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, girls, language, spanish with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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