IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many customs and traditional ways of behaviour are no longer relevant to modern life and not worth keeping. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people argue that
customs
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 and traditional behaviours are becoming irrelevant in modern life and
therefore
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 should not be preserved. I partly agree,
while
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 some
traditions
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 are worth preserving for cultural continuity, many outdated
customs
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 should be removed because they
harm
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 individuals and society. In
this
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 essay, I will explain both sides and show why more harmful
traditions
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 should be abandoned. Some traditional practices,
such
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 as respecting parents and wearing national dress on festivals, still offer important cultural and familial benefits. Young people today often value independence, which can lead them to neglect traditional family obligations.
For example
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, some Gen Z members believe they can live as they wish without informing or caring for their parents, weakening family ties.
As a result
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, neglecting family duties can foster selfishness and social isolation, reducing mutual support among relatives.
This
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 emotional isolation may
harm
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 mental health because individuals cannot share problems or receive emotional support from family. Modern youth often express identity through appearance,
such
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 as clothes and hairstyles, which can reduce interest in traditional attire.
Consequently
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, many prefer contemporary fashion and consider traditional dress old-fashioned and impractical. If
this
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 trend continues, younger generations may lose connection to national cultural heritage as
customs
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 stop being
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
.
However
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, some traditional rules impose modern burdens and
therefore
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 deserve reconsideration or removal. In some Asian cultures, families pressure
women
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 to bear sons, causing gender discrimination and social
harm
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.
For example
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, China’s one-child policy historically intensified son preference and social imbalances.
As a result
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, some families resorted to illegal measures to secure a male child, worsening gender inequality. Traditional views that
women
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 should stay home restrict their opportunities for education and careers.
This
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 belief should be challenged because it prevents many
women
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 from achieving personal and professional development. Many
women
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 have the right to work and pursue ambitions, not only to perform household duties.
Consequently
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,
such
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traditions
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 can destroy
women
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’s prospects, limiting economic independence and life choices. In conclusion,
while
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 some
traditions
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 deserve protection, I strongly believe that many outdated
customs
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 should be abandoned because they
harm
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 individuals and society.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Add one more direct example to support each main idea.
task response
Explain a few ideas more simply and fully so the reader can follow them with ease.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some are good, but too many can sound forced.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one clear main point.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long. Shorter sentences can make your meaning clearer.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are in a logical order and easy to follow.
task response
You use examples that fit the topic.
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