IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

‏Topic: It is common for young people to go abroad to study at a university instead of studying in their home country. Do the advantages of studying at a university in another country outweigh the disadvantages?

Students
Use synonyms
 often associate studying abroad, acquiring new skills and having an international experience.
Linking Words
while
Change preposition
On
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on the other hand
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,
students
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 studying in their
home
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country
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 are often used to
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 routine
,
Punctuation problem
.
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However
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,
this
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 argument is diverse
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 we are going to discuss it all without any dispute. First let's talk about studying abroad,
this
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 option is great when any student's upbringing experience was poor,
this
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 chance is the optimal choice for personal growth, and achieving dreams, one of the
advantages
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 of studying internationally is meeting bunch of different
people
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 and exploring new cultures during the studying duration, allowing
students
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 to know every custom and tradition,
this
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 approach is very enjoyable and can be easily applied, therefor,
students
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 aim themselves for
this
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 opportunity and they have been preparing consistently for
this
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 type of experience, despite these
advantages
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, studying abroad can cause a lot of pain points for
students
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,
such
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 as discipline, unexpected adversities and sometimes feeling barren, bleak and abandoned. These disadvantages
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 some
people
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 to choose
staying
Wrong verb form
to stay
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 in their
home
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country
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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feel
Correct pronoun usage
they feel
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more
Verb problem
is more
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 suitable.
On the other hand
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, a bunch of different
people
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 prefer to study in their
home
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country
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, simply to gain some
advantages
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such
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 as having a brief time for family, studying in their local universities which gives them more benefits,
however
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,
this
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 is not the perfect choice when we list one of the disadvantages, limited experiences and daily routine,
this
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 assessment leads to think about it twice not only one time. In conclusion, I would say that if you can overcome most of the unexpected adversities
while
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 studying abroad,
then
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 you
got
Verb problem
have
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 a lot of
advantages
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 out there
,
Punctuation problem
;
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nevertheless
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, if you prefer to stay with your
people
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 and chill out, study in your
home
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country
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 and enjoy every moment in it and consider it as your perfect sanctuary.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say if the good points are stronger than the bad points from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Give more clear main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph for good points and one for bad points is best.
task response
Use simple and real examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Some ideas are not fully explained. Add one or two more sentences after each main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some long sentences are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the style formal. Phrases like 'chill out' do not fit an IELTS essay.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You stayed on the topic of study abroad and study at home.
task response
You gave both advantages and disadvantages, which is important for this question.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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