IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that giving support to the local community is better than giving it to a charitable organisation. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The society's growth depends on the support;
however
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is a good idea to help the local
community
Use synonyms
 rather than assisting a charitable organisation. Both of the notions are significant, which will be captured in the forthcoming paragraphs
along with
Linking Words
 the conclusion
at the end
Linking Words
. There are tremendous reasons behind providing assistance to the local
community
Use synonyms
 , and the foremost one is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 immediate help that the needy
people
Use synonyms
 get from donors. To cite an example, in Ludhiana cosmopolis, there is a local
community
Use synonyms
 whose ambition is to offer used clothes to mentally disabled folks who cannot purchase, stitch, or even wear clothes properly. Funds or clothes provided to
this
Linking Words
 organisation as a charity will assist those
abnormal
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 immediately
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 the
community
Use synonyms
 exists locally.
Hence
Linking Words
, it should be a priority of citizens to raise their hands towards
such
Linking Words
 communities in order to
relfect
Correct your spelling
reflect
 the changes at once.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there are supporters of charitable organisations, which work on a large scale, because
such
Linking Words
 charitable trusts not only offer one way help;
instead
Linking Words
, they assist children, old
people
Use synonyms
, and youngsters in a variety of ways, which
further
Linking Words
 help them to live from hand to mouth.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Gates
Correct article usage
the Gates
show examples
 Foundation, a charitable organisation established by Bill Gates, provides public aid in various sectors like health and education, which local communities cannot provide.
Therefore
Linking Words
, one should bear
this
Linking Words
 notion in mind whenever they want to donate
towards
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the help
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
society.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there are enormous benefits of providing aid to the local communities, the merits of charitable trusts cannot be neglected.
Thus
Linking Words
, the populace should keep both concepts in mind whenever they act as the helping hands to the needy
people
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully and make your own view very clear.
task response
Write one clear opinion in the end and also show it in the body.
task response
Add more clear ideas to explain why local help is better or why big charities are better.
task response
Use examples that are easy to understand and directly linked to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words like first, for example, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid ideas that do not fit well, like words that change the meaning.
task response
You answered both views, so the essay is on the right path.
task response
You gave examples for both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words such as however, nevertheless, and therefore.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • local
  • community
  • support
  • help
  • donation
  • donate
  • money
  • time
  • people
  • group
  • neighbour
  • neighbours
  • organisation
  • organization
  • charity
  • need
  • issue
  • problem
  • plan
  • goal
  • result
  • impact
  • trust
  • fast
  • quick
  • large
  • small
  • area
  • reach
  • country
  • world
  • evidence
  • example
  • experience
  • mix
  • combine
  • efficient
  • cost
  • value
  • benefit
  • drawback
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • activity
What to do next:
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