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Writing Samples
Band 5

Transport delays are a widespread phenomenon in many cities today. What are the causes of this problem, and how could the situation be improved?

In multiple
cities
Use synonyms
, public
transport
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 users have to endure longer than usual wait times.
This
Linking Words
 situation is caused by
cities
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 not being built to handle as many people as live in them, and can be combatted by accounting for
this
Linking Words
 factor in advance before it arises as an issue. The major reason delays in transit times occur is the fact that locations do not have the capacity to host as large
of
Change preposition
apply
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a
population
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 as the one that lives in them.
This
Linking Words
 issue is not experienced in all places, but rather in ones that have a huge influx of previously unaccounted
population
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.
For example
Linking Words
, Warsaw, the capital of Poland, was rebuilt after being demolished in the
second world war
Fix capitalization
Second World War
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 by the communist regime
leading
Wrong verb form
that led
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 it. After communism was overthrown in Poland, what was left behind was a metropolis built to only house a few hundred thousand,
whereas
Linking Words
 millions wanted to live in it. Now millions live in Warsaw in streets that were made for many
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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, and
this
Linking Words
 leads to
traffic
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 in rush hours, public
transport
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 systems which are underdeveloped and insufficient, and not enough space for its citizens. Another reason a town may experience congestion can be
due to
Linking Words
 insufficient government attention to the issue at hand. A problem needs to be addressed in order to be resolved, and many institutions choose to avoid these issues out of convenience. A prime
occurence
Correct your spelling
occurrence
 of
this
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is the nation of Greece, where
traffic
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 is a widespread phenomenon
that is
Linking Words
 repeatedly ignored by the government. Despite
protest
Fix the agreement mistake
protests
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 from Greece's
population
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, the state chooses
to not
Correct word order
not to
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 alter their ways,
thus
Linking Words
further
Linking Words
 contributing to the problem. The situation can be improved by better
city
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 planning when first creating a
city
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 and by
active
Correct article usage
the active
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 involvement of institutional bodies. There are many large
cities
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 that do not experience as bad
traffic
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 delays as just as comparable in size
counterparts
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apply
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, and
this
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the structure of the road system being well thought out before the
cities
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 are even built. One great example of
this
Linking Words
 is Barcelona, where the roadscape was made in mind of hosting a big
population
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, and
thus
Linking Words
it's
Use the right word
its
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 citizens experience much less
traffic
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 than they should for a
city
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 of that size.
In addition
Linking Words
 to great planning, active efforts must be made to keep public
transport
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 vehicles in top condition and to keep roads serviceable. Barcelona is a frontrunner in
this
Linking Words
 department too, as their local government always
is hosting
Wrong verb form
hosts
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rennovations
Correct your spelling
renovations
 of both their vehicles and roads. In conclusion, poor accounting for the future of a
city
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 and poor maintenance of current systems in place
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 cause public
transport
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 to worsen with time. In order for
this
Linking Words
 to be resolved, active efforts must be coordinated by the relevant bodies
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
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 with appropriately accounting for the future of a
city
Use synonyms
 before it is built.

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task response
For task response, answer both parts more fully. You explain the causes well, but the ways to improve the problem need a bit more detail.
task response
For task response, make your main ideas more direct. Some points are clear, but a few sentences become too broad or repeat the same idea.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear paragraph plan with an introduction, body, and conclusion. This is a strong point.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some linking is good, but a few sentences are long and hard to follow. Try shorter sentences with one clear idea each.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure each example clearly supports the main point of the paragraph. Some examples are interesting, but the link to public transport delays is not always direct.
task response
You answer both questions in the task, so your essay stays on topic.
task response
You use real city examples like Warsaw, Greece, and Barcelona. This helps make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow overall because the paragraphs are in a logical order.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion, and both match the topic well.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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