IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development has more advantages or disadvantages?

The advancement in technology has changed every aspect of human life,
accounts
Correct word choice
and accounts
show examples
 and finance are no exceptions. In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary epoch, it has been observed that people are more commonly using
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
 applications like
Paypal
Fix capitalization
PayPal
show examples
, GPay and RuPay to make payments across many nations.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate that
this
Linking Words
 notion has more benefits
thandrawbacks
Correct your spelling
than drawbacks
. To commence with, using
payment
Use synonyms
 gateways to make a transaction reduces the need to carry
wallet
Correct article usage
a wallet
show examples
. To expound, if a person does not carry a bag to the market, the chances of crime,
such
Linking Words
 as snatching of belongings reduces to nil.
Also
Linking Words
, without heavy wallets
having
Punctuation problem
, having
show examples
 cash, credit cards
and
Change preposition
With
show examples
 debit cards in it, people can shop freely. To cite an example, a
payment
Use synonyms
 scanner is available at every store these days to facilitate
customer
Check wording
customers
show examples
 to pay for the commodities bought. On the flip side, using
payment
Use synonyms
 apps need availability of internet, which is sometimes weak at certain locations.
Hence
Linking Words
, the above mentioned testament substantiates the merit of using
payment
Use synonyms
 portal applications on
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
. To
further
Linking Words
 solidify the argument, the one at the receiver end cannot decline the
payment
Use synonyms
 received. To expound, as these gateways are linked to the bank accounts, individuals cannot indulge in
fraud
Replace the word
fraudulent
 activities like refusing the amount received. To exemplify, a user can check the details of all the transactions made in any particular period
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 just a click of a button.
In contrast
Linking Words
, online transactions have given rise to cybercrime,
such
Linking Words
 as hacking of account bymaking fake promotional calls and enquiring for OTPS(one-time
password
Fix the agreement mistake
passwords
show examples
) from the clients.
Thus
Linking Words
, the aforementioned reason vividly explains that
this
Linking Words
 trend has profound benefits. To recapitulate, in
this
Linking Words
 digital epoch,
populace
Correct article usage
the populace
show examples
 has become largely dependent upon the development of science, which has enabled them to manage their
finance
Replace the word
finances
 and shoppingthrough internet. Masses can not only enjoy the buying experience without the hustle
ofcarrying
Correct your spelling
of carrying
 heavy bags and wallets
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 save them from fraudsters. The more the usage of technology, the more the positives, the
lesser
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 and the more controllable the negatives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Give one or two more clear examples. Your example about shops is okay, but it is not very strong or very specific.
task response
Explain the bad points a little more, then show why they matter less than the good points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used well, but a few sound too formal or are not natural. Use simple links like first, also, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are not fully connected. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea and all sentences support it.
task response
You clearly choose a side: mobile payment apps have more advantages than disadvantages.
task response
You discuss both advantages and disadvantages, so the response is complete.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear, and this helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: