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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related products are produced.

The diagram illustrates the process through which
milk
Use synonyms
 and other
dairy
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 are produced.
Overall
Linking Words
, the production of
milk
Use synonyms
 and other
products
Use synonyms
consist
Correct subject-verb agreement
consists
show examples
 of 8 stages. It begins with
Use synonyms
cows
Correct article usage
the cows
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 grazing stage and ends with
milk
Use synonyms
 being sold at supermarkets and shops. Between the beginning and ending
processes
Add a comma
processes,
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 there are multiple stages like
extarcting
Correct your spelling
extracting
milk
Use synonyms
 from
cows
Use synonyms
 using machines , storing the
milk
Use synonyms
,
delivery
Replace the word
delivering it
 in
tanker
Correct article usage
a tanker
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 to
Use synonyms
dairy
Correct article usage
the dairy
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, producing other
dairy
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 and packing the
milk
Use synonyms
 to sell it.
Initially
Linking Words
, the process starts with
cows
Use synonyms
 grazing.
Next
Punctuation problem
Next,
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 machines are used to
extarct
Correct your spelling
extract
milk
Use synonyms
 from
cows
Use synonyms
 twice a day. After extracting the
Use synonyms
milk
Punctuation problem
milk,
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 it goes through
refregration
Correct your spelling
refrigeration
 storage.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
milk
Use synonyms
 from the
refregration
Correct your spelling
refrigeration
 storage goes inside the tanker
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is
deliverd
Correct your spelling
delivered
 to the
dairy
Use synonyms
.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, using the machines in the
Use synonyms
dairy
Punctuation problem
dairy,
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 other
diary
Use the right word
dairy
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products
Use synonyms
 like cheese , cream, and butter are produced
along with
Linking Words
 the other related
products
Use synonyms
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
milk
Use synonyms
and pasterized
Verb problem
is pasteurised
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 and packaged in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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bottles. In the final
stage
Add a comma
stage,
show examples
 the
milk
Use synonyms
 bottles are sold in supermarkets and shops

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk, dairy, products, cows with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • milking machines
  • containers
  • refrigerated trucks
  • pasteurization
  • homogenization
  • separation
  • standardization
  • cream
  • skim milk
  • fat content
  • packaging
  • cartons
  • bottles
  • dairy processing plant
  • quality control
  • safety and quality standards
  • distribution
  • retailers
  • grocery stores
  • vendors
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