IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You recently bought a pair of shoes online, but there is a problem with them. Write a letter to the company. In your letter: explain what you bought and when describe the problem with the shoes say what you would like the company to do You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter like this: Dear Sir or Madam,

DearSir
Correct your spelling
Dear Sir
/Madam, I am writing to explain
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my dissatisfaction. Recently, I
perchased
Correct your spelling
purchased
 a pair of new brand
shoes
Use synonyms
 in NIKE at Ayala
Center
Change the spelling
Centre
show examples
 on
Tuesday
Punctuation problem
Tuesday,
show examples
 14 April.
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 have been using these
shoes
Use synonyms
everydays
Correct your spelling
every day
 since i purcahsed it.
the soul of
Correct word order
The soles of the
show examples
shoes
Use synonyms
 were torn after I used in few days. I got injured because of
this
Linking Words
 problem when
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 was running along the river. Because there were a lot of pebbles in the ground. And
then
Linking Words
 these pebbles went into my
shoes
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 why
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 had to see the
docter
Correct your spelling
doctor
 to heal my feet.
In addition
Linking Words
, my son had the same problem. So he
also
Linking Words
 got wounded on his feet. I would like to do something to deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem. I would want you to suggest some solutions. I would really appreciate
you
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 if you could replace it to
new
Punctuation problem
new,
show examples
 durable
shoes
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it would be helpful for us if you could refund us and pay some money back about docter fee. I really appreciate
you
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 if you could reply to my message as soon as possible.
yours
Fix capitalization
Yours
show examples
 sincerely, Kazuya Nakagawa

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task response: say more clearly that you bought the shoes online, because the task asks this.
task response
For task response: ask for one or two clear things only, like a new pair or a full refund.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: use clear paragraph order: what you bought, what the problem is, what you want the company to do.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: link ideas with simple words like because, so, also, and, but.
task response
For task response: you explain the problem and you say what help you want.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your letter has a clear opening and ending.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: