IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many young people spend too much time on social media. What problem does this cause, and what solutions can you suggest?

In
this
Linking Words
 digital era, social
media
Use synonyms
 is the most impactful tool for many, not only for personal things but
also
Linking Words
 for business purposes.
However
Linking Words
, spending frequently on it can affect people
into disadvantage stage
Correct word order
to a disadvantage
show examples
, especially
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation. I will explain the cause and
make
Verb problem
provide
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 some solutions to prevent that cause.
Initially
Linking Words
, having social
media
Use synonyms
 frequently
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a lot of disadvantages.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school, many students tend to postpone their main activity
over
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 reason can reduce their performance in academic
Linking Words
as well as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 social
interaction
Check wording
interactions
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
 can spread any false information or hoax, without checking
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reliable source, it can provoke all users into chaos. In order to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
negativity, parents should watch over their children
while
Linking Words
 using social
media
Use synonyms
. A clear regulation
over
Change preposition
on
show examples
 using
gadget
Check wording
gadgets
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 can
also
Linking Words
 help to maintain
children playing
Check wording
children's
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
in
Check wording
use in
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 a proper way.
For example
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home, parents must arrange the schedule for their relatives in order to make every activity under control. All in all, despite the advantages, using social
media
Use synonyms
 has an upward side. Overusing Instagram or X can harm
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation to be more active in social
skill
Check wording
skills
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, straight rule and proper
restriction
Check wording
restrictions
show examples
 can reduce the negative side about using the platforms

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about problems and solutions, but each part needs more clear detail.
task response
Use more clear examples. Your example about school is relevant, but it is too general.
task response
Keep your ideas closer to the question. Some lines are hard to link to young people and social media use.
coherence cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, support, example.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some links are used, but some sentences do not flow well.
coherence cohesion
Check pronouns and word choice so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You answer the topic and mention both problems and solutions.
coherence cohesion
You use some linking words like 'Initially', 'Furthermore', and 'All in all'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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