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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A number of academics have shown their concern about the level of respect that students show towards their educators. However, others disagree and see that, nowadays, students are more independent and expressive when it comes to their opinion. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that the level of respect
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 teachers among
students
Use synonyms
 has
drasticaly
Correct your spelling
drastically
fallen
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fallen,
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while
Linking Words
 other
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 deny
this
Linking Words
 statement and
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that modern
students
Use synonyms
 are more independent and open to share own opinions.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views before presenting my own. On the one hand,times have changed and what was
a taby
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taboo
 in the past
now
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has now
show examples
 become
a
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the
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 norm.Earlier people
was
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were
show examples
 more closed,showing your emotions was humiliating
especially
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, especially
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 for mens and sharing
with
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apply
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details of life was a bizzar.But developed communication technologies have changed a lot.We are sharing our personal events and emotions
in
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on
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social
medias
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media
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 with unknown
peoples
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people
show examples
.
Moreover
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,the internet
and
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apply
show examples
has given
acces
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access
 to all
infromation
Correct your spelling
information
 in a moment.In the past was hard to imagine that
individual
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an individual
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sometimes
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would sometimes
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will
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apply
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have
a
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the
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 possibility to receive
answer
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an answer
show examples
on
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to
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 the most
compicated
Correct your spelling
complicated
 question just in seconds.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,indead authority of educators
decreased
Verb problem
has decreased
show examples
 nowadays because of two factors.
First
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The first
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 one is
massafication
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massification
 of
education
Use synonyms
.All
counties
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countries
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 over the world provide
compulsatoruy
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compulsory
 school
education
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and
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, and
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 more
that
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than
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 50 percentes inhabitans of developed countries have university or college
education
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.
As a result
Linking Words
 value of
education
Use synonyms
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
.The second
,
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apply
show examples
is
implementation
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the implementation
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 of artificial
intelegence
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intelligence
 into
daily
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the daily
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of
students
Use synonyms
.It can
make
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perform
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 almost the same functions as
common
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a common
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 teacher and in some
case
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cases
show examples
 perform even better that educator in
flesh
Use the right word
person
show examples
.
Due to
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Linking Words
this
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these
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 two
facts
Add a comma
facts,
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 teachers losted a status of lighhouse which show the way in the world of
knowledges
Check wording
knowledge
show examples
. In my opinion respect that
students
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 show towards their educators slighy fallen
but
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, but
show examples
 it
do
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does
show examples
 not reflect as
unrespect
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disrespectful
show examples
 and offensive behaviour.Just people are more outgoing and independent
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,the level of respect remained the same
just
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, just
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 transformed into a
diferent
Correct your spelling
different
 form because
humanship
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humanism
 changes
overall
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.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say what side one means, what side two means, and then give your view in a direct way.
task response
Your main ideas are there, but some parts do not fully match the question about respect for teachers. Keep every point close to the topic.
task response
Use one clear example for each side. Real school or class examples would make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. This is good. Now make each body paragraph stay on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Link words are used, but some jumps between ideas are too fast. Add short topic sentences and explain each point step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and paragraph focus. Some sentences about technology and feelings are not easy to connect to respect for teachers.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion, so you follow the task in a basic way.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words like on the one hand, on the other hand, as a result, and in my opinion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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