IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in small family units. What are the causes of this trend and what are the effects on society？

People
Use synonyms
 gradually prefer nuclear families, or they choose to live alone.
This
Linking Words
 is more common in developed countries. Because the population is changing day by day and
people
Use synonyms
 do not think they do the same before generation. In my opinion, the foremost causes of
this
Linking Words
 trend
young
Change preposition
among young
show examples
people
Use synonyms
, when they grow up almost
think
Rephrase
always think
show examples
 about their own future. They want to change
life
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 quality
.
Change preposition
of life.
show examples
For example
Linking Words
: a career.
However
Linking Words
, they prefer to live alone or little families.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they are focusing on their future.
In another
Change preposition
Another
show examples
 cause of cash flow problems
because of
Verb problem
is
show examples
 that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they are not thinking about extending the family. I think it is one of the valuable effects for a young generation; they feel independent when they live alone.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when the juveniles grow
and
Correct word choice
,
show examples
 they have more problems. They decide to live individually.
The most
Correct determiner usage
Most
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have money
problem
Check wording
problems
show examples
, and everyone wish would change
this
Linking Words
 situation. When they live alone, they focus only on
this
Linking Words
 problem and improve their lifestyle.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Write one full paragraph for causes and one full paragraph for effects.
task response
Explain each main idea more. Say why young people want to live alone and how this changes society.
task response
Use one or two clear examples. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Make your structure easier to follow. Start with an introduction, then causes, then effects, then a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like because, so, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to understand. Keep sentences short and put one main idea in each sentence.
task response
You answered both causes and effects, so your essay is on the right topic.
task response
You gave some clear main ideas, like future, work, money, and being independent.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has paragraph breaks, which helps the reader follow your writing.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words like however, furthermore, and consequently.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nuclear family
  • extended family
  • individualism
  • urbanization
  • economic independence
  • financial autonomy
  • personal freedom
  • societal values
  • cultural shift
  • technological advancement
  • solitary living
  • virtual connectivity
  • demographic trends
  • population dynamics
  • aging population
  • lifestyle choices
  • social structures
  • interpersonal relationships
  • privacy
  • household management
  • economic opportunities
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