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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the per capita consumption of whole milk and low-fat milk in the United States between 1970 and 2015.

This
Linking Words
 graph illustrates the per capita consumption of whole
milk
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 fat
milk
Use synonyms
 in the United States during 1970 and 2015
, we
Punctuation problem
. We
show examples
 are going to demonstrate the changes that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 happened in those years.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
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 we can see that low-fat
milk
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 had a little increase between 1970 and 1990
,
Correct word order
; however, it
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however
Linking Words
 remained stable till 2015 . For the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
whole
Use synonyms
milk
Punctuation problem
milk,
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it clearly a
Correct word order
there is a clear
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 dramatic decrease from 1970 to 2015 ,which shows the dominance of the low-fat
milk
Use synonyms
In
Linking Words
addition
Punctuation problem
addition,
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 low-fat
milk
Use synonyms
have increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
has increased
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 from 5 gallons in 1970 to nearly 14 gallons starting from 1990 to 2015 , but a rapid decrease
of the
Change preposition
in
show examples
 whole
milk
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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 was at 25 gallons
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1970
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 2015. After
precicely analyzing
Correct your spelling
precisely analysing
this
Linking Words
 figure , in conclusion
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 see that the United States society
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 come to
realisation
Correct article usage
the realisation
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 that the low -fat
milk
Use synonyms
 has more benefits to health

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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