IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write an essay in which you compare and contrast American Thanksgiving with another cultural celebration of gratitude. You should discuss similarities and differences in terms of food, customs, and the deeper philosophical meanings behind each tradition. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Thanksgiving is
one
Use synonyms
 of the most meaningful celebrations, but the way it is observed can differ on their history.
Although
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Hawaiian
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 and
American
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Thansgiving
Correct your spelling
Thanksgiving
 both celebrate
grattitude
Correct your spelling
gratitude
, they differ in their food, customs, and cultural meaning. The dishes and preparation methods show quite constrast.
Hawaiian
Use synonyms
 Thanksgiving
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focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
show examples
 on " a lua
"
Punctuation problem
",
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or a feast that
it
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apply
show examples
is prepared in an "imu
"
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",
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or earth
oven
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. In spite of home-made meals, families gather smooth lava rocks, dig a pit, and heat some stones to cover the pig or turkey. Before
this
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, the pig is wrapped in leaves
,
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apply
show examples
and covered with dirt to seal the pit.
Finally
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, after three to four
hours
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hours,
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 the dirt is removed
,
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apply
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 and shared with family and friends.
In contrast
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, the United States relies on
oven
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 dishes to bake a turkey
that is
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 stuffed with
mix
Replace the word
mixed
 vegetables and herbs. On top of
this
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, the
oven
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 is set to 165 F for three to four hours
or
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,
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 depending on the size of the turkey.
Finally
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, they serve side dishes
as
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such as
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mash
Replace the word
mashed
 potatoes, green beans, squash,
crawberry
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cranberry
 sauce, pumpkin pie, and it is shared with family,
friend
Check wording
friends
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, and some charitable
organizations
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organisations
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as well as
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American
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 football games. Customs around the
celebration
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 reveal
meaninful
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meaningful
 differences. On the
one
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 hand,
Hawaiian
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 Thanksgiving celebrations are deeply tied to cultural identity.
One
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 of them is the traditional attire called " mu'umu'u" or
colorful
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colourful
show examples
 shirts, and the " leis" or wreaths that reflect the spirit of aloha's pride. The following is the " pit" or a hole in the ground, and the "imu" or underground
oven
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.
Lastly
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, different
form
Use the right word
from
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 the United
states
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States
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, the " lua" or feast is prepared with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community participation.
On the other hand
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, the United States
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besides
Punctuation problem
, besides
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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aiming to bring people together, the
celebration
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 has commercial aspects name as
the
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apply
show examples
Black Friday.
Also
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, the festivity
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focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
show examples
 on gathering with friends, family or charitable
organizations
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organisations
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 that provide meals
in
Change preposition
to
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 those in need.
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On the contrary of
Change preposition
In contrast to
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 commercial aspects,
Hawaiian
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
celebration
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrations
show examples
focus
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 on cultural expression. The philosophical meaning behind the holidays is their unique identities. The
Hawaiian
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 imu feast
symbolizes
Change the spelling
symbolises
show examples
 more than a meal because it represents cooperation and tradition.
One
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 of the deeper meaning in
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Hawaiian's Thanksgiving is restorying
Correct word order
Hawaiian Thanksgiving is restoring
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 harmony with oneself, or within the family. It is less about a holiday and more about
of
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apply
show examples
reconciliation.
Neverthenless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
,
American
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 Thanksgiving
Use synonyms
focus
Change the verb form
focuses
show examples
 on remembering the
nationalization
Change the spelling
nationalisation
show examples
 as a holiday in 1863
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Its meaning centers in reflecting on blessings
as well as
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 passing down through generations.
To sum up
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,
Hawaiian
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 and
American
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 Thanksgiven demostrate how a single holiday shows how cultural traditions shape the way people eat, behave, and
its
Correct determiner usage
the
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 significant meaning in a festivity. Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
American
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celebration
Use synonyms
 is to give thanks through gathering with family and friends,
Hawaiian
Use synonyms
 Thanksgiving is different from
Use synonyms
American
Correct article usage
the American
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holyday
Correct your spelling
holiday
 because it is not a bout a
single day
Correct your spelling
single-day
celebration
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, but a
continuos
Correct your spelling
continuous
 practice of
gratitud
Correct your spelling
gratitude
, and connection with the way of living.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in each part.
task response
Add a few more direct examples to support your points.
task response
Explain the deeper meaning in a more simple and clear way.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully so ideas join in a smooth way.
coherence cohesion
Some parts repeat or move away from the main point. Keep each part on one clear idea.
coherence cohesion
Check the order of ideas so each sentence follows the last one more naturally.
task response
You answered all parts of the question: food, customs, and meaning.
task response
You gave specific details about Hawaiian food and cooking.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence cohesion
You used compare and contrast well in most parts.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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