IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, like smartphones, tablets and laptop computers. Do the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

The advancement of modern digital gadgets
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 assisted people to watch films and play computer games at any
time
Use synonyms
. Many individuals mention that these developments have many advantages to public.
However
Linking Words
, some critics argue they pose significant drawbacks to people.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both views before presenting my own opinion. In
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 era, individuals are always occupied with rigid office schedules.
This
Linking Words
 leaves them with minimal personal free
time
Use synonyms
 for them to go out and watch movies at theatres.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they can have entertainment through watching movies on modern devices
such
Linking Words
 as tablets and personal computers at home.
Additionally
Linking Words
, now gaming platforms are able to provide
real
Correct your spelling
real-time
time
Use synonyms
 responses on smartphones. Children are actively using these gadgets at affordable prices to play computer games after their school hours.
Moreover
Linking Words
, playing mobile games at
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age fosters creativity, increases memory power
Linking Words
besides
Punctuation problem
, besides
show examples
 enabling greater cognitive abilities.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, these practices can create challenges if they are used extensively without any regulations. Films theatres are ideal spots for families in order to go out and spend
time
Use synonyms
 with loved ones
during
Change preposition
at
show examples
 weekends.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the movie experience will be more engaging rather than seeing them
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home on digital services. The pictures released on
over the top
Correct your spelling
over-the-top
 media services might have
violence
Replace the word
violent
 content
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is highly restrictive to children. When electronic devices are easily accessible, children will be addicted to gaming, leading to prolonged usage. These
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
show examples
 in eye strain, uneven diet schedules,
poor
Correct word choice
and poor
show examples
 mental health
impacting
Punctuation problem
, impacting
show examples
 their
overall
Linking Words
 well-being. In conclusion, there are several benefits to individuals with wider accessibility to smart devices when used in a controlled manner. They can act as
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 source for recreational activities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 to spend their leisure
time
Use synonyms
.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 has to introduce new reforms in order to leverage their usage and limit the disadvantages
through
Change preposition
associated with
show examples
 them

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say in the end if the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Give one or two more clear examples to support your ideas, for example a case about children or workers.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Explain them a little more.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some are good, but a few sentences do not flow well.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because a few errors make the meaning less clear.
task response
You discuss both good and bad sides of the topic.
task response
You give your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas follow a logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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