IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people have decided to reduce the number of times they fly every year or to stop flying altogether. Do you think the environmental benefits of this development outweigh the disadvantages for individuals and businesses?

There is no denying the fact that protecting the environment plays a crucial role in our society.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that various kinds of businesses and people will have a considerable
number
Use synonyms
 of benefits, there is
also
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 an argument that the disadvantages for markets and members of society will be huge.
This
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 essay will analyse both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, many people are reducing the
number
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 of flights or even stopping from travelling on a
plane
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, because they want to preserve
their
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 environment.
In other words
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, decreasing travel by
plane
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,
such
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 as from one country to another, would significantly mitigate gas emissions created by an aircraft.
In addition
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, individuals will breath a clear air, resulting from fewer flights.
For example
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, recent studies have shown that individuals’ health status has substantially improved since 2002, which is when people reduced the
number
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 of flights that they take yearly.
On the other hand
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, the costs of infrastructure on companies are huge, especially in an airport. It is
also
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 possible to say that buying a
plane
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, as a company, and not flying on it, you will lose a substantial amount of money.
Moreover
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, different businesses will collapse, resulting from not turning a
plane
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 to take off.
For instance
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, some countries,
such
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 as Somalia, lost a considerable
number
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 of companies
due to
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 fewer aircraft moving. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that the disadvantages will be more than the advantages for both individuals and businesses.

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task response
Answer the question more clearly. You say both sides, but your opinion is not strong until the end.
task response
Explain why the environmental gains are bigger or smaller than the problems for people and business.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. Some examples now are too general or not easy to believe.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and develop it with a clear reason and result.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Some sentences are hard to follow because the wording is not natural.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each example directly supports the point before it.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You discuss both the environmental side and the business side, so the essay addresses the full topic.
task response
Your opinion is given in the conclusion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • reduce
  • benefits
  • environment
  • pollution
  • travel
  • businesses
  • individuals
  • challenges
  • meetings
  • connections
  • effort
  • manage
  • remotely
  • money
  • stress
  • local
  • culture
  • discovering
  • innovative
  • technology
  • ways
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