IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Due to television and the internet it is easier today for a large number of people to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development?

Everyone seeks attention from the public through different channels. Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 find it easier to become popular through Television, social media and the
internet
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. I strongly believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development as it will create misinterpretation of the information and overdependence among many
people
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.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 create their own space on the
internet
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 and television channels to present their
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
, ideas and information on different areas.
For example
Linking Words
, several social media influencers can be seen
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
Use synonyms
 and other media who promote the use of daily products and services to the public.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they try to impose their daily lifestyle on the community , and the viewers get influenced by their way of living and luxurious lifestyle.
This
Linking Words
 would create a negative influence on individuals and may lead to depression as they compare themselves with these influencers. Another point to consider is that depending on celebrities
on
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for
show examples
 life advice or anything through web channels and television reduces
critical thinking of
Correct word order
people's critical thinking
show examples
people
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 and increases
overdependence
Correct determiner usage
their overdependence
show examples
 on them for their needs. They would blindly believe the data presented through entertainment platforms and the
internet
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instead
Linking Words
 of doing a fact check through research. Studies conducted across several parts of the world show that most of the youth have less thinking capabilities compared to the past.
Overall
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,
while
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 the
internet
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 and the news platforms offer several benefits to the public , including easy access to info and communication, their downsides ,
such
Linking Words
 as spreading fake information, bad influence on the community and excessive dependence, cannot be ignored.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Start each part with one strong point, then explain it.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some are good, but a few ideas move too fast.
task achievement
Add one more clear example to support your second main point.
task achievement
Answer both sides a little more before you give your final view. This will make your response more complete.
task achievement
Be careful with broad claims like 'most of the youth'. If you use such ideas, support them better.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task achievement
Your essay stays on the topic and gives a clear opinion.
task achievement
Your first body part has a relevant example about social media influencers.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fame
  • famous
  • TV
  • internet
  • easy
  • people
  • see
  • talent
  • skill
  • earn
  • money
  • job
  • platform
  • content
  • idea
  • reach
  • positive
  • negative
  • privacy
  • pressure
  • stress
  • health
  • mental health
  • short
  • hard
  • risk
  • bullying
  • hate
  • truth
  • rules
  • care
  • think
  • post
  • share
  • view
  • lesson
  • lead
  • inspire
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