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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the amount earned by graduates of different age groups in 2002. It includes those with a degree, those with a higher degree and those with other qualifications. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph provides information about the weekly earnings of full-time graduate employees by type of
degree
Use synonyms
 and
age
Use synonyms
 groups. The first key feature shows
all
Correct word choice
that all
show examples
 people holding the 3 types of degrees illustrated on the graph have experienced a downfall
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their earnings
during
Change preposition
at
show examples
 different points in time.
Firstly
Linking Words
, individuals holding a higher
degree
Use synonyms
 earned less money starting
the
Change preposition
at approximately
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 of approximatively 42
years
Use synonyms
 old, the numbers
continuing
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 to decline until the
age
Use synonyms
 of 52 for
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
degree
Use synonyms
 holders.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the ones holding a first
degree
Use synonyms
 have undergone an income drop starting at the same
age
Use synonyms
 but maintained the trend for a shorter period of time, registering a gradual revenue increase when reaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
about 47
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, those holding other types of educational levels have witnessed a drastic reduction
of the
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 remuneration in their late thirties, the numbers showing a steady decline.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, employees covering the range between 21
up to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 36
years
Use synonyms
 old have
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 substantial income increases regardless of the level of education. The weekly profit
reaching
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 more
the
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 800 pounds. An exception
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 the higher
degree
Use synonyms
 holders
who
Punctuation problem
, who
show examples
 marked a rise at about 52
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Overall
Linking Words
, considerable rises in revenue are witnessed until 37
years
Use synonyms
 old, the gap between the forties and the fifties
encountering
Replace the word
encounters
 reductions in the wages of graduate employees.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words degree, age, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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