IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are allowing their children to play on computer and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Advancement
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Advancements
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 in technology
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 various impacts on our lives. Many people permit their
offsprings
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offspring
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 to
use
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 tablets and
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computer
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computers
show examples
 in order to learn technical skills. The benefits of
this
Linking Words
 development
outwieght
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outweigh
 the drawbacks. To commence with, it improves the intellectual
ability
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 of young
ones
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people
show examples
. To expound, playing on
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computer
Correct article usage
a computer
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 not only
ehances
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enhances
 their learning
ability
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 but
also
Linking Words
 judeging
ability
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 as well. As
game
Correct article usage
the game
show examples
progresses
Punctuation problem
progresses,
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children
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 unlock difficult levels which make them
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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use
Use synonyms
 more thinking.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 way they learn what to do in certain situations, so they
use
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 thinking, judging and
brainstroming
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brainstorming
 to deal.
For instance
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,
In
Correct determiner usage
in a
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 car parking game
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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game
Correct article usage
the game
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progress
Correct subject-verb agreement
progresses
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 to
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 level,
player
Correct article usage
the player
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 needs to think more
critcally
Correct your spelling
critically
 in order to pass that level.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 playing
games
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 on screen for
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 time can put impact on their eyesight. The above notion clearly justifies that playing
games
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boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
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children
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's
intectuall
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intellectual
ability
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. To
solidfy
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solidify
 my
arugement
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argument
, playing
games
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 on screen
ehances
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enhances
computer
Use synonyms
letracy
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literacy
 and academic performance. To expound,
children
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 navigate different tabs and applications
while
Linking Words
 using the
computer
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. They get to know about different
feautures
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features
 of
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computer
Correct article usage
the computer
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, which they can
use
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for academic purposes.
Moreover
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, it helps to learn shortcut
key
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keys
show examples
 and increase typing speed.
For example
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,
word making
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word-making
games
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to improve typing and learn new words.
Whereas
Linking Words
, playing online
games
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 increases the risk of obesity because of sedentiary lifestyle. The above reason vividly justifies that playing online
games
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 helps
children
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 improve knowelg
computer
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 and academic
knowlege
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knowledge
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, online
games
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 are being given to many
children
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 by their parents. The pros of online
games
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Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
ehances
Correct your spelling
enhancing
 mental
ability
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 and technical knowlege are undeniable.I believe that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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outweight
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly in each body paragraph. Say clearly why the good side is stronger than the bad side.
task response
Add one clear bad point in a full paragraph, then explain why it is less important than the good points.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and more general. A very narrow game example is okay, but a broader example would be better.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one simple plan: main idea, explain, example, result.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use linking words in the wrong place. For example, avoid starting a contrast sentence with words that do not fit the meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas with clear reference words and simple links like first, also, however, and as a result.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You include examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph structure with introduction, body, and conclusion.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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